Secrets
by rubberglue
Summary: Arthur and Merlin are quite happy with life in Rhegad. But a chance visit to Camelot, a sudden attack by Merlin's old flame and an unexpected guest lead to them finding themselves bound by love, duty and destiny to fight for Camelot. (Based on the lovely graphic by hope27)
1. Chapter 1

The moment the cell door slammed shut and the lock was bolted in place, Arthur turned to Merlin. "Great. This is all your fault."

"How is this my fault?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because you woke the guards with your coughing fit?"

"If you'd listened to me in the first place, then we wouldn't even have had to sneak into Camelot to retrieve your stupid sword."

"Shut up Merlin." Arthur didn't need to be reminded of how he foolishly lost his precious sword in a drunken bet. "Use your magic to get us out."

"Shh! You know magic is banned here. Are you trying to get me killed?"

Grumbling under his breath, Arthur slumped in the corner of the cell. This was getting worse and worse. First Vivian broke up with him, claiming his life was too unstable, too dangerous although he knew it was really because he didn't have as much money or land as Gregory. Then, the drunken bet which resulted in him losing Excalibur to some knight of Camelot. And now he was stuck in the Camelot dungeons. He'll probably be sentenced to a lifetime of hard labour as a final hurrah of his miserable life.

"You're making that face again."

Arthur rolled his eyes. Here they were, captured by Camelot, a kingdom not known for their generosity or kindness, especially to their enemies and there was Merlin cheerfully inspecting the dungeons and passing remarks about his face. Why, he wondered for the millionth time of his life, were they friends?

"Go away."

"I would but if you haven't noticed, we're stuck in the dungeons."

"And whose fault is that again?"

"Look, I'm sure the Queen will pardon us when we explain -"

"When we explain we are here to steal a sword from her knight? I know you're not terribly smart Merlin but you can't think that she's going to just shake her head, smack us on the hands and send us on our merry way? Also, I don't intend to leave without Excalibur."

Merlin sighed and finally settled down in the other corner of the cell. "I still cannot believe you named your sword."

"Shut up Merlin."

He supposed that had he been a lord or a king, he might have found sleeping in the cell uncomfortable but for the first time in weeks, he had a safe place to sleep in, a place he didn't have to sleep with one eye open, especially since Merlin appeared to have no sense of self-preservation and slept like a log.

As expected, after being served a breakfast of mushy gruel, some guards turned up to haul Merlin and him to see the Queen. Arthur knew little about the Queen. With the sudden death of King Uther, she was quickly thrust upon the throne just a few months ago. Rumour had it that she was as heartless and ruthless as her father but that was hardly surprising. What did they expect from a girl who was cloistered in the castle with her tyrannical father all her life?

Whatever the Queen was like, it was clear that they needed to somehow talk their way out of their predicament. Either that, or persuade Merlin that this was a good time to use his magic, something Merlin had reluctantly agreed to when they discussed their options in the wee hours of the morning. For a man so powerful, Merlin was strangely reluctant to use his magic. He glanced at Merlin. Merlin grimaced and shrugged.

Then all hell broke loose.

Shouts and screams rang in the air and the emergency bells sounded deep in the castle. All of a sudden, Arthur and Merlin found themselves abandoned in the corridors of the castle as their guards dashed off. This was convenient, thought Arthur with a growing smile. With a mutter, Merlin quickly divested them of their shackles and the two men carefully crept down the corridors. The servants and knights, in their panic, ignored them, brushing past them without a second look.

"Excalibur!"

"Are you mad?"

"Look, this is the best time to get it. Come on!" If this castle was like the one in Rhegad, and Arthur couldn't see why it wouldn't be, then the knights' quarters wouldn't be far from the dungeons. Glancing back to make sure Merlin was following, Arthur continued down the hallways, darting into rooms to check for the presence of Excalibur. Luck was clearly on their side when on the table of the fifth room they entered lay Excalibur in all it's exquisite glory. With a sigh of relief, Arthur grabbed the sword, grabbed Merlin and ran.

"Let's get out of here!" Arthur yelled as they dodged frantic knights, screaming servants and falling debris. The shouting and screaming had intensified and Arthur thought he could smell smoke. Having Excalibur in his hand was extremely comforting. If need be, he and Merlin would be able to fight their way out of Camelot. It would be quite the story to tell in the future - how he and Merlin were there when Camelot fell. And to think Camelot was one of the biggest and strongest kingdoms in Albion.

* * *

"Admit it. You don't know how to get out of the castle."

Arthur slowed down enough to glare at Merlin. "It's not easy when the whole castle is in an uproar and dashing about. Also, we are trying to avoid those skeletons trampling through the castle - you know, the ones my sword nor your magic seem able to defeat? I don't think they care particularly that we are not actually from Camelot."

"Why don't we just jump out from a window? Surely any room will have one."

"I'm amazed Merlin. A promising idea from you?"

"Here." Merlin pushed open an ornate door and gestured for Arthur to get in. "I think this room probably faces the - oh."

Oh indeed. The room was not empty. A young lady stood in the room, her sword drawn and pointing at them. While her eyes shone defiantly, Arthur noticed that she was trembling. A sense of protectiveness swamped him as he looked at her.

"Who are you?" Her voice shook but she lifted her chin as if to make up for it. Her eyes were dark and she stared them down. "Why are you here?"

Merlin spoke first. "Hey, we're not here to hurt you. We're just trying to get to safety. You shouldn't be here either. It looks like the castle is about to taken down by a bunch of rampaging bones."

Yanking open the window, Arthur peered out. It was quite the drop but Merlin probably knew a spell to manage that. He looked back at the sword-wielding lady. Her sword had dipped a little but she still stood there and watched them warily. There was no way he could leave her there, not when he could hear the clacking of bones outside the room.

Merlin was already at the window muttering. Without a second thought, Arthur grabbed the lady's hand and pulled her to the window.

"I can't -"

"You'll die if you stay and believe me, dying isn't as romantic as people seem to think."

Unceremoniously, he picked her up and tossed her out of the window and jumped out after her. As expected, Merlin ensured they all landed safely in the courtyard below. The lady still seemed in shock so Arthur took her hand again, pulling her with them as they ran out of the castle and into the nearby forest before finally letting go as he leaned against a tree to catch his breath. The lady too slumped against another tree, breathing heavily. Merlin simply collapsed onto the ground.

For a few minutes, no one said anything. Then she slid to the ground and started to sob. Arthur turned to Merlin, whose only response was to widen his eyes and look absolutely terrified. Brilliant. It looked like Merlin was going to be completely useless. Sitting himself next to the lady, Arthur patted her shoulder awkwardly. He thought that would make her realise that she wasn't alone and she would stop crying. He certainly didn't expect her to turn and fling herself into his arms. Instinctively, his arms wrapped around her as she buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed.

"Rub her back," whispered Merlin as he mimed the actions as if Arthur was incapable of comprehending what rubbing someone's back meant. Arthur shook his head. He wasn't about to rub a random stranger's back, no matter how hard she was crying or how pretty she was. Merlin frowned, as if he disagreed with Arthur. "Comforting," he mouthed. If it wasn't completely inappropriate, Arthur would have simply passed the lady to Merlin since he was such an expert on comforting people. Rolling his eyes, Arthur continued to awkwardly pat her shoulder.

She hiccuped and pulled away. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just - oh, I'm so sorry." Her eyes were red from crying and a slight blush painted her cheeks. "Oh god. Camelot is gone. Oh god." The pain in her voice was palpable and for a moment, Arthur didn't know what to say. Merlin too seemed similarly tongue-tied and for a while the three of them just sat there watching the smoke rise from the burning kingdom. The end of an era, Arthur thought. King Uther had been such an imposing king, ruling with such ruthlessness and terror, that it was unsurprising that his death would lead to Camelot's collapse. Briefly, he wondered what happened to the Queen, his daughter.

Footsteps. They could be more other refugees or they could be skeletons. Arthur had no intention of finding out. "Come on! Let's go. We're too near the castle."

They ran, stumbling over roots and rocks, pushing through foliage until they could run no more. Finally, when the only sounds they could hear were from the forest, they rested. Merlin busied himself checking what supplies they had while Arthur scouted the area.

"We can probably rest here a while. I doubt we're important enough for anyone to tail us all the way here."

"The skeletons were quite determined. I wonder who was behind them. That was some powerful magic." Merlin said as he settled against a tree.

"Morgana." The lady looked at them blankly. It was clear she was still in shock. "It must have been Morgana."

Morgana. Arthur immediately darted a glance at Merlin who for once didn't have his feelings written all over his face. Instinctively, he moved closer to Merlin.

Finally Merlin spoke, his voice terse. "Morgana. High Priestess of the Old Religion?"

The lady looked sharply at Merlin. "You know her?"

"Doesn't everybody?" Arthur interrupted quickly while keeping an eye on Merlin. "But what does she want with Camelot?"

Again the lady hesitated and Merlin answered instead. "She wants revenge for the magic purge."

Arthur caught the slight shift in the lady's expression. "Don't mind him. He's in a bad mood because I made him come to Camelot with me. We're off to Rhegad and you're welcome to join us if you want." It seemed the right thing to say to change the subject and really, all she had was a sword and in her distress, it seemed awful to simply leave her in the forest. And looking at the way she was dressed, she was likely someone important in Camelot and that could only be to his and Merlin's benefit. They could get rewarded for saving her life.

The lady stood and looked back as if she could still see Camelot. For a while she said nothing. Then, as if coming to a decision, she let out a shuddering breath but when she turned back to them, her face was stoic and her voice calm. "Yes please."

"How about a name then?" Merlin's mood having apparently cleared up, ambled up to her and stretched out his arm. "I'm Merlin, general dogsbody to this bully right here."

"I'm - er - my name is Gwen." She shook Merlin's hand. "You're his servant?"

"We're supposed to be friends but Arthur -"

"Shut up Merlin. I'm Arthur." Her warm fingers curled around his hand and he couldn't help the noticing how smooth her palm was. She was no servant. Hopefully by delivering her safely to Rhegad, he and Merlin would get enough to last a few weeks.

She smiled tentatively at him and something tugged at his heart. Immediately, he dropped her hand. "We should keep moving."

* * *

Gwen had no idea who these two men were or where they came from but she realised she had little choice at the moment. As defeated as she felt, as much as she just wanted to curl up and pretend that the last few hours didn't happen, she needed to pull herself together. Morgana might be victorious now but Gwen was going to make sure that her victory didn't last. While she may not be the best ruler, at least she loved her people. Morgana only wanted control of Camelot to make a point. And if she needed to make nice with these two men and then beg on her knees in Rhegad in order to save Camelot from Morgana, then she would. She would not fail her kingdom a second time.

It was that thought that kept her trudging through the forest in the company of the two strange men. At first she feared that they were Morgana's men but they seemed to have no idea who she was and if they were trying to kidnap her, they were doing a very poor job. She was unshackled and still had her sword.

Keeping herself slightly behind the two men, she used the chance to examine them. The skinnier one had magic and that scared her although she was careful not to show it. Her father had been convinced that magic was the root of all evil and she'd no reason to question it. All her life, she watched as various magic users attempted to use their power to undermine Camelot or to kill her father. She was aware that Merlin had used his magic to rescue her and with his friendly smile and open manner, he seemed far removed from all the other magic users she encountered. But he knew Morgana and she wondered at their connection.

The other was quieter when not barking out orders at them. He seemed to know his way around the forest and carried himself with an air of confidence, bordering on arrogance. Yet he had been unfailingly polite on the rare occasions he addressed her. They seemed so different. She wondered what brought them together.

"Bandits! Get down!" Arthur quickly grabbed her and pulled her down behind a bush. She watched apprehensively as a group of about six men moved near them, the leader insisting that he had heard voices just moments before.

"They must be here somewhere. Keep looking."

"Ok, here's the plan. Merlin to deal with the two stragglers over there. I'll deal with the rest and you back me up." Arthur nodded at her and she nodded her agreement. While she had trained in sword fighting before, she had never been in an actual, honest to goodness sword fight before. "On my signal."

It was both incredibly terrifying and exhilarating. Certainly, Arthur did most of the fighting and she realised he was frightfully good at it - good enough to put many of her knights to shame. But she wasn't some useless damsel in distress, not when she successfully distracted one of the men who was sneaking up on him. Her proudest moment came when she disarmed on of the bandits, laying him open for Arthur to subdue.

A strange warmth filled her when Arthur turned to her after tying up the bandits and smiled widely. "Good job. You're pretty good with a sword." She tried to say thank you but nothing came out and so she settled on a returning smile. No one had praised her before without an ulterior motive and it felt good. Actually it felt brilliant.

"What will you do with them?" Merlin had magically secured them while Arthur took their weapons and deposited them some distance away.

"Merlin's ties will loosen in a few hours and they can make their way back to wherever they came from."

They were strange, Gwen thought as they continued walking. The bandits had gold on them and a stash of weapons. Yet they took nothing.

The rest of the journey that day was uneventful and idle conversation distracted them from the tedium of their walk. Merlin was the chattier of the two but both were open enough. There was an obvious affection between them even as Arthur spent most of the time teasing Merlin. As she watched them, she felt a twinge of jealousy. What would it be like to have a friendship like theirs? All her life, she'd been surrounded by maids and knights and while they provided enough company when her father was away, she was always conscious of the vast divide that lay between her and them. Before the familiar pang of loneliness could raise its head, Merlin turned back to her and beckoned her to walk with them. Pleased to be included, she smiled shyly and increased her pace.

Soon enough, they exhausted the weather and silly things Merlin did as conversation topics. Things then turned slightly more personal. Despite telling herself she needed to keep her distance - they were really only a means to an end for her - she couldn't contain her curiosity.

"What do the two of you do? And why were you in Camelot?"

"We run errands, escort goods, defend people - anything that pays us really. Well, anything that isn't evil that pays us. We have morals, you know. " Merlin smiled at her then gestured to her clothes. "A far cry from you I expect."

"I - I work in the castle. As a handmaiden to one of the ladies."

Arthur frowned at those words but said nothing. Merlin continued to talk. "Better than us. After our homes in Rhegad burned down and the King refused to help repair them, we've been moving around. On a good day, we can afford a few nights at the tavern."

"And you aspire to nothing more?" It was the wrong thing to say. Merlin stopped talking and Arthur's eyes narrowed.

"We make an honest living and we're happy. I'm sorry you feel we are unworthy. Feel free to leave our company at any time." Arthur stalked ahead, leaving Merlin to shoot her an apologetic look and shrug.

Tense silence dominated the rest of the walk.

* * *

She stared at the burning flames, watching as sparks jumped into the air. Had the fighting in Camelot ended? How many of her people were dead? How many of them suffering? Was she doing the right thing by going to Rhegad? Should she have gone back to Camelot instead and stood with her people? The questions swam in her head but she had no answers. All she could do was hope to reach Rhegad as soon as possible and hope that all was not lost by then. Raising her eyes from the fire, she saw Merlin and Arthur in deep conversation.

She sighed. She should apologise for what she said but she didn't know how. No one had ever expected apologies from her before. But for some reason, the fact that two of them seemed unhappy with her hurt deeply and she desperately wanted to make it right. For a moment, after the bandit attack and when they were laughing together, she felt for once like she had friends. People who liked her for her. Then she had to ruin it all with her words. They probably regretted having her around and she wouldn't be surprised if they tried to abandon her in the forest.

So when Merlin plopped himself next to her, she jumped.

He held out a water flask. "Have some water."

"Thank you." Was this a peace offering?

"Don't worry about earlier."

"I didn't mean to offend."

"I know. Give Arthur some time and he'll realise that too. He can be a little slow. He used to be a blacksmith in Rhegar until our homes burned down in the great fire a few months ago. He lost everything and well, rebuilding was more or less impossible. He's pretty nifty with a sword and I've magic so we figured we'll run errands until we can save up to rebuild our homes."

"Oh." Gwen made a note to reward them once she sorted out Camelot.

"Yeah. And a month after the fire, his then beau dumped him with more or less the same words you used, accusing him of not aspiring for more. So really, you just rubbed a raw nerve." He smiled. "Don't worry. We won't just leave you in the woods."

"Thank you. You are good people."

That made Merlin laugh. Then he stopped and looked at her seriously. "I'm not sure how to say this but you come from Camelot."

"Yes?"

"And I know that magic is banned there and that the general sentiment is that magic is evil." He continued to look at her but she said nothing, unsure of how to react. "The thing is, it isn't. It's a tool - like a sword or a pot. And I know some very bad people have used it to do really terrible stuff but magic alone isn't bad."

"Why are you telling me this?" Her hands twisted in her lap. Uther had been very firm in his beliefs that magic was evil. What Merlin was saying contradicted everything she had been taught, yet Gwen found herself wanting to believe him.

"I saw the way you looked at me when I lit the fire."

"Oh. It still scares me - magic," she admitted. "And before you, I've only ever seen people use it for evil."

"Arthur thinks you might reveal my secret. I told him you didn't seem the sort. I hope I'm not wrong."

Gwen glanced up and saw Arthur watching them disapprovingly. "No. No, I won't betray your secret. I owe you that at least."

Merlin smiled. "Good. I don't suppose you want to see the fire dance?"

"Why not?" His smile was infectious and she grinned back at him.

As she watched Merlin make the flames dance in patterns, she thought about how many things she never questioned when she was princess. It was so easy to think her father knew everything - that he was the perfect king. But he didn't and he wasn't the perfect king. Far from it. And his actions had led her into this mess.

* * *

He told Merlin to watch himself around Gwen seeing that she was from Camelot and who knows how she felt about magic. So what did he do? Show her more magic. As much power as Merlin had, sometimes Arthur wondered how Merlin ever survived without him. He was pretty sure that Gwen was lying about working as a handmaid in the castle but she probably had her reasons. And he was feeling slightly bad about his reaction to her words earlier, especially when she looked so crushed after what he said.

But now, her eyes were sparkling and he could hear her giggle. In the firelight, she looked almost ethereal. As they chatted and laughed, Arthur had to admit they looked cute together. Hopefully Merlin was smart enough to realise nothing was going to come out of it. Arthur was pretty sure she was a noble lady. It was in the way she carried herself, the way she spoke. He had to admit that he was impressed that she hadn't complained at all when they had to trek through mud earlier. She also showed herself to be quite handy with a sword when the small group of bandits attacked them - not terribly skilled but at least she knew what she was doing. Plus she was brave. And earlier, before her comment, he had enjoyed talking to her.

He shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about her like this.

Somehow, she seemed to know he was thinking about her and looked up at him. A hesitant smile crossed her face and he sighed. Pushing himself from the tree, he made his way over.

"I'm sorry." She looked uncertainly at him.

He shrugged and sat down next to Merlin. "So I see Merlin is showing off his magic."

Later, the three of them huddled around the campfire after a meager dinner. Merlin continued to chatter about his life, spilling both his and Arthur's history to Gwen. She listened attentively, asking Arthur questions and laughing at Merlin's attempts at humor. He liked it when she laughed - it took the haunted look out of her eyes.

* * *

In the middle of the second day, they came across a lake. Somehow, Gwen found herself slipping on an extra shirt from Merlin and wading into the water with them. What was supposed to be a relaxing dip in the lake quickly morphed into a water fight when Arthur splashed water on her as she was floating by. Soon, the three of them were splashing water at each other and Arthur was pouting as she and Merlin joined forces against him.

"This isn't fair! I'm leaving you two kids here." Gwen watched as Arthur stalked out of the lake, water dripping off him. He looked like an angel, all blond hair and smooth skin. Something stirred in her stomach and she felt her face heat up.

Merlin splashed some water at her. "To cool you down," he smirked as he left the lake after Arthur.

They lay in the sun to dry off and for a while, all Gwen could think of was Arthur glistening in the sun, the way his blue eyes lit up when he smiled and the way his muscles had moved in the water. Her stomach clenched in guilt. Here she was lying in the sun, having fantasies about Arthur as her kingdom burned. What kind of Queen was she?

"Shall we make a move?" She jumped up. The faster she got to Rhegad, the better.

Merlin and Arthur seemed taken back by her declaration but they said nothing as they got off the ground and got ready to move on. Again, she found her eyes going to Arthur again and she flushed. She suspected she might be in trouble.

* * *

"Watch this!" Merlin muttered a few words and the fire took the shape of a butterfly, eliciting a gasp from Gwen. Arthur smiled. She was like a child, the way her eyes lit up with wonderment every time Merlin showed her his magic.

"I never knew you were such a flirt, Merlin," Arthur walked over to them and settled next to Gwen. "Why don't you use your magic and get us some food for dinner?"

Merlin grumbled good-naturedly before moving off.

"You two are very close, aren't you?" Gwen sidled slightly closer to him.

"We've known each other for a long time. And Merlin's mother more or less brought me up."

They lapsed into silence and Arthur noticed that the haunted look had returned to her eyes. For once, he wished he had magic like Merlin and could make her smile again. "Are you alright?"

Turning to him, she smiled sadly. "I was just thinking of Camelot. I shouldn't be here. I should be back there, helping."

"If Morgana is behind this and with her magic, what could you have done?"

"I don't know. I just - why was I in that room you entered? What have I done to deserve to live?"

"Hey." Without thinking, Arthur slipped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "If you stayed in Camelot, you'd have been killed. What use would you be dead? At least now, when we get to Rhegad, you can petition the king for assistance."

He rubbed her back, smiling wryly as he thought back to the first day they met. Over the past three days, somehow Gwen managed to worm her way into his and Merlin's affections. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he enjoyed having her around. He felt her relax slightly and lean against him. Maybe Merlin was right - rubbing backs was a good idea.

"You're probably right. Thank you." Her eyes met his blue ones. Warmth blazed from them, filling her with courage. "Would you consider us friends?"

As he was about to answer, Merlin returned and deposited his haul onto the ground in front of them. "What do you think Merlin? Gwen wants to know if we are friends."

Merlin grinned widely. "Of course we're friends. I don't lend my shirts to just anyone." Then Merlin frowned. "Why are you two all snuggled together?"

* * *

It was odd how it felt like Gwen had been a part of their little group forever. He didn't like it. She was a noble lady, someone worlds apart from him and Merlin. Under normal circumstances, they would never have met, much less interacted. Only now, shielded from reality by the forest, they played a dangerous game, pretending that nothing separated them, that they could be friends. And yet, he found himself unable to keep his distance. Instead, with every conversation, he learned more about her and told her more about himself.

Merlin had no such worries. Arthur watched, not without some jealousy, as Merlin and Gwen giggled over something. He supposed it helped that Merlin wasn't having inappropriate thoughts of Gwen at the most inopportune moments.

"Arthur!" She wandered over to him as he lay the firewood on the ground, preparing for yet another night in the forest. "Here let me help."

"Thanks. Where did Merlin go?"

"He said something about getting more wood. He told me it's another day at least before we reach Rhegad."

"That's right. What will you do there?"

"I know people there. I hope they will lend me some assistance."

"You know, you're a pretty good travelling companion. Why don't you join us?" It was meant to be a joke but the moment he said the words, he realised that it wasn't something he would be opposed to.

She took it as a joke. "And sleep on cold, hard, lumpy ground every night? I cannot wait."

"You'll have my company. I've been told I'm quite charming."

A blush appeared on her cheeks. "I've heard." Then something shifted in the air. She bit her lip and reached out a hand to touch his cheek.

Arthur immediately covered her hand with his, enjoying the feel of her soft flesh under his. "Gwen." His eyes dropped to her lips and suddenly, it didn't matter that she was probably a noble lady and that there was no reason to believe any relationship with her would go anywhere.

"Arthur." She swallowed and he recognised the desire in her eyes.

Then he was kissing her, softly at first. But when she opened her mouth and moaned, he pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss. Until his lips met hers, he didn't realise just how much he'd been wanting to do this. And it was everything he thought it would be. She was soft and sweet and perfect.

She giggled and he pulled away, grinning at her.

"I've been thinking about kissing you since we took that dip in the lake." Her eyes didn't meet his and her blush seemed to have deepened. His heart contracted and he took her hand in his.

"Well," he said as he let one finger slide down her cheek, "I've been wanting to kiss you since you laughed at Merlin's terrible jokes."

"So why have we stopped?"

He leaned his forehead against hers and murmured against her lips, "I don't know." And he kissed her again.

* * *

Arthur knew that Merlin knew but he pretended that Merlin didn't. Merlin though wouldn't stop smirking despite the death glares he kept sending Merlin's way. Of course, Merlin was always slightly slow on the uptake. Why he couldn't be slow about guessing the change in his and Gwen's relationship, Arthur didn't know.

It was almost like a game, sneaking kisses behind Merlin's back. And shrouded by the forest, it was easy to pretend that they lived in a separate reality in which titles didn't matter and fairy tales came true. For the whole day, they walked side by side, sharing secret smiles and not-so-accidental touches.

"Really, you two are as subtle as thunder."

"Shut up Merlin."

But then, Arthur took Gwen's hand and pulled her to him, lacing his fingers with hers. Merlin grinned at them, eyes twinkling.

One more night before they entered the forests surrounding Rhegad. The forest floor was no more uncomfortable than any other forest floor he had slept on before but that night, Arthur found himself unable to sleep. After tossing and turning for a good half an hour, Arthur gave up and went to sit at the fire with Gwen who was on night watch duty. She watched him carefully as he approached. Settling down on the log beside her, Arthur slipped an arm around her shoulders and they sat side by side in silence. Her eyes were haunted again and he wanted so much to take her pain away. Yet he was reluctant to push her to reveal her secrets.

"That's a beautiful sword." It was Gwen who finally broke the silence. "Very well crafted."

"It is. My mother made it for me."

"Can I hold it?" Usually Arthur was very protective of the sword. Merlin was the only other person he allowed to handle it. But for some reason, he drew sword from its sheath and passed it over to her. The awe in her eyes made him smile. "I've never seen such delicate workmanship. Not even in the royal armoury."

"My mother, she was a blacksmith. This was the last sword she made."

Gwen handed the sword back to him. "It's a gorgeous sword. I wish I had something of my mother's too. All I have are vague memories. Sometimes I don't even know if I am making them up."

Slowly he sheathed his sword. "I have no memories of my mother at all. Just this sword. I'm not sure what is better."

"I don't know either. All I know is that I want to be half the person my mother was. She was kind, brave and just. Everyone loved her." Her voice faltered. "Look at me. My kingdom falls and I run away." He could hear the tears in her voice and he tightened his hold on her. Then the words she muttered hit him.

She wasn't just any noble lady. This was the Queen of Camelot. Queen Guinevere. Gwen. He should have known.

* * *

It was probably a good thing that the remaining journey to Rhegad was short because Gwen could hardly bear the tension that hung between the three of them. She desperately wanted to turn back time, take back her words. In silence, they walked until the turrets of Rhegad's castle could be seen in the distance.

She had to talk to them before they reached the main town.

"Arthur, Merlin." They stopped, turned to face her but said nothing. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you who I was."

"I am sure you had your reasons, your highness." She winced at Arthur's use of her title, knowing that he was doing it on purpose.

"Arthur." Merlin said warningly, leading to Arthur shaking his head and walking off, leaving her alone with Merlin. "He's being unreasonable. I'm sure you've noticed he has such tendencies."

Not trusting her voice, she nodded.

"You know, we all have our secrets. Even Arthur. Even me." He smiled. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks."

The rest of the journey to the main gates of Rhegad continued in silence but this time, Merlin walked with her and she drew comfort from his acceptance. Arthur still walked in front, his back stiff and his strides angry. A few kisses and hand holding and already it hurt so much. Maybe her father was right - she was too soft to be a good Queen. Maybe Camelot would be better ruled by Morgana.

No.

Lifting her chin, she walked the rest of the distance to the main gates. She was Queen and if she wasn't a good Queen, then she would learn how to be one.

"Halt! Who goes there?" The gates were closed which probably meant that the kingdom was on alert. News of Camelot's fall must have reached them.

"It's just us, Sir Percival. Arthur and Merlin."

"Nice to see you two are safe. And who's the lady with you?"

"This," said Arthur, "is Queen Guinevere of Camelot. We escorted her to Rhegad as she wishes to speak with the King."

"My lady." The knight bowed.

"Sir Percival. I would be most grateful if you can get me an audience with the King."

"I'm sure Sir Lancelot here will be delighted to take you to the castle." Percival gestured to a knight who stood slightly behind. With a nod to Merlin (who waved jauntily) and Arthur (who looked away), she followed Lancelot into town. So many times, she wanted to turn back to them but what was there to say? As they turned the corner, she looked over her shoulder, hoping to catch one last glimpse of them. They were no longer at the gate.

She hadn't even thanked them for their company.

* * *

"I wasn't sure you'd survived Morgana's attack. I'm glad you did." King Melby said as they sat down to dinner together. Having had a warm bath and now dressed clean clothes, Gwen was feeling good, physically at least. Dinner smelled delicious and as she took a sip of the wine at the table, she found her mind wandering to Arthur and Merlin. Were they tucking into a good dinner as well? She hoped they were.

"You are more than welcomed to stay and enjoy our hospitality, Guinevere. Your father was a good ally of ours."

She placed her fork on the table and looked up at the elderly king. "Thank you but I cannot stay long. I must get back to my people."

"Surely Camelot is lost. Morgana wields powerful magic. It is said only one person can defeat her but no one knows if he even exists."

"Who?" Hope blossomed in her chest.

King Melby sighed and leaned back. "The druids call him Emrys. He has been said to be Morgana's doom. But no one knows what he looks like, where he lives or if he even exists."

"Then I must find him."

"Guinevere." She stiffened. The king had taken on the tone she heard often from her father and more recently from her council members. It was the tone that said I know better than you, listen to me. "Camelot is lost. How will you find him? Many people have tried and failed."

"Perhaps if you could spare me some of your knights -"

"I can spare you a few but it will be a futile quest. I myself have sent many men to search for this Emrys, but he's like the wind. How would you fare any different?" Then he placed a hand over hers. "I have a proposition for you instead."

* * *

_"My wife passed away some years ago and my son was killed in battle recently. I have no heir and you are a Queen without a kingdom." King Melby's words echoed in her head. _

Naive. That was what she was. Naive. Foolish. And a failure as Queen.

After King Melby suggested she marry him and be his Queen, a suggestion she never saw coming, she immediately pleaded tiredness and escaped to her room. Now, she sat staring out of the window into the starless sky, wondering what her next move should be. She had been so certain Rhegad would be as eager to divest Morgana from the throne that it never occurred to her that King Melby would be reluctant to send aid.

There was only one thing to do. She needed to find Emrys. And soon.


	2. Chapter 2

"When I heard what happened in Camelot, I was so worried." Hunith fussed over Merlin.

"Mum. You need to stop worrying so much." Merlin grimaced as Hunith ruffled his hair and placed a bowl of gruel in front of him.

"I know. I know. You two are big boys now but I can't help it. And I heard you-know-who was involved and -"

Merlin sighed. "You can say her name. I won't shrivel up. Anyway, I didn't realise it was Morgana's doing until Gwen said so."

"Gwen?"

Merlin glanced at Arthur who was scowling as he shoveled the porridge Hunith had prepared into his mouth. Ever since Gwen revealed herself to be the Queen, Arthur had done little except sulk. Merlin had to admit he wasn't too pleased to have been lied to either. Still, he also wasn't the one who had been holding hands, giggling and kissing the Queen just one day ago.

"Someone we met along the way back." He shrugged, hoping his mother wouldn't ask too much.

"Was she nice?" Hunith looked away but Merlin could see the wheels turning in her head.

"Mum. Do we have to do this for every girl we meet?"

Hunith took Merlin's hands in his and sighed. "You should invite her over for a meal. You and Arthur can't keep living like this. I want to see you two settle down, have a family."

"Mum, please. Not everyone gets married. Old Man Jones is happy tending to his cows, unmarried."

It was a familiar argument. With a shake of her head, Hunith left the table. "I'm going to tend to the animals. You two wash up after yourselves. You'll stay the night?"

They nodded, waving Hunith off. The house was really too small for all three of them but Arthur and Merlin both knew after their latest adventure, Hunith would sleep better knowing they were with her.

* * *

Fairly certain that Arthur and his mother were fast asleep, Merlin slowly pushed his covers away and slipped from his bed roll. The cool night air brushed against his face as he stepped out of the house. Sounds of the farm surrounded him and he wandered into the barn, absently giving his horse a pat before settling down on some hay bales.

_Morgana. _He hadn't heard her name in a while. Unthinkingly, his fingers moved to the bracelet he wore. As he felt the rough leather, he thought of the girl with sparkling eyes and long, black hair. The girl whose smile once brightened his day. The girl he honed his magic with. Long before he even sought Gaius out, Morgana had been his star student. Merlin had been nervous and worried his first day and within minutes of entering Gaius' workshop, managed to knock over some vials. Turning to grab them, he noticed them suspended in the air. It was then he met Morgana - confident, smart, beautiful, noble Morgana who looked past his poverty, his scruffiness, his ignorance and loved him.

"Had enough time to mope?" With mussed hair and sleepy eyes, Arthur walked into the barn.

Merlin shrugged. He knew that Arthur would turn up sooner or later. "Don't worry about me."

"Why would I?" Arthur sat down next to him. "You two would never have worked."

"I know."

"You still love her." It was a statement of fact and didn't need a response.

Instead, Merlin spoke of the other thing bothering him. "Do you think King Melby will help Camelot?"

For a while, Arthur said nothing. "I doubt it. Camelot was by far the strongest kingdom in Albion. If Morgana was able to squash them so easily, Rhegad wouldn't stand a chance. My bet is he'll try to make nice with Morgana. Anyway, while disapproving, King Melby hasn't been an enemy of magic the same way King Uther was."

"I never thought she would actually do it."

"Turn to the dark arts? You saw it in her, after -"

"Yeah. I just -"

"I know."

Arthur stretched his legs out and yawned. His shoulder bumped into Merlin's as he shifted on the bale. The silence between them was like a comfortable blanket, allowing them the space to be with their own thoughts and the safety of each other's company.

"What do you think Gwen is up to?" Merlin finally asked as he peered at Arthur in the darkness, wondering if he would start to sulk again. Instead, Arthur merely let out a breath and slumped a little more on the hay bale.

"Probably sleeping in a comfortable bed after having had a warm, delicious dinner. Or, more likely, worrying about Camelot."

Merlin sighed. "Not a good night for anyone."

"No. Tomorrow will be better." Merlin smiled wanly, although he knew neither of them really believed that.

* * *

The morning brought with it a lot of activities. Hunith was busy tending to the animals on the farm while Merlin and Arthur packed to return to town.

"With Camelot in ruins, I expect there'll be a bit more missions to be done." Arthur said as he stuffed his clothes into his rundown sack.

Merlin simply nodded. Extra missions would be good - something to take his mind off the Morgana-shaped things swirling through it. How strange what divergent paths they both ended up taking. Now, unless necessary, Merlin avoided using his magic, abandoning his training after that incident. Morgana, on the other hand, had clearly reached, and maybe even surpassed, the potential Gauis always said she had.

Arthur smacked him on the head. According to Arthur, that was supposed to be a sign of affection. "Stop thinking about her. We'll see if Percival has any openings for us. Then we'll use that money and drown our sorrows."

"Speaking of money, do you have any? I want to leave some for Mum. I wish she would give up the farm."

"And do what? Come on missions with us?"

"Maybe we should work on the farm instead of running around." Merlin hated leaving his mother alone on the farm and the guilt ate at him every time he had to leave her.

Arthur groaned. "Look, remember that time your mother decided to visit your uncle who lives in some godforsaken little town far away? Remember how we lost the chickens? And killed the barley? Yeah. Somehow I think your mother isn't going to appreciate our help."

"It was your fault. Let's pour all the water on the barley now then we won't have to do it later. Who said that?"

"I wasn't the one who decided that the chickens could be -"

Footsteps outside the door caught their attention. "Boys! We have a visitor." Hunith's voice floated into the house before she finally appeared, their visitor trailing at the back.

It was the Queen.

* * *

His traitorous heart leapt when he saw her. He might have even smiled before his brain kicked into gear and he remembered how she had lied to them. Immediately he turned his back on her. Childish perhaps but at the moment he really didn't care. He had enough of people lying to him and Merlin, using them as they wished then leaving.

Merlin of course, having no sense of survival, bounded over to her like a puppy.

"Gwen! How have you been? Oh mum, this is Gwen."

"The Queen of Camelot," Hunith said dryly. "Funny how no one mentioned that." Even hearing the words annoyed him and Arthur continued to pretend that his bag needed his utmost attention. Still, from the corner of his eye, he studied her. She looked well rested and, probably to avoid too much attention, was dressed in a simple cotton shift.

"King Melby has been very hospitable." There was a hesitation in her voice and Arthur stilled, waiting for her next words. "I wanted to see if you two were alright and thank you for your company to Rhegad."

"You've thanked us already so you can go now." Finally turning to look at her directly, regret immediately slammed into him the moment he saw the look on her face. It was fleeting and she quickly covered it up but it was there and he had put it there.

Hunith, a mug in her hand, gently guided Gwen to the bench. "Have some tea. Ignore Arthur. One would think I never taught him any manners. And to the Queen too." That last sentence was accompanied by a sharp look in his direction and Arthur felt suitably chastened. Grudgingly, he bowed to Gwen before moving to a corner of the house, which seemed even smaller now Gwen was inside.

Cradling the warm mug of tea, Gwen looked apologetically at Hunith before turning to Merlin. "Actually, there was one more thing. If I could speak to the two of you alone?" Arthur didn't fail to notice how she avoided looking at him, which, he told himself, was just as well. He didn't want to look at her either, he thought sullenly.

"I still have some work to do outside." With a bow, Hunith walked out of the house.

As soon as Hunith shut the door behind her, Gwen spoke. "Sir Percival tells me that you two are the best mercenaries he's ever known. I would like to hire you." After all they had shared, the request was oddly formal.

"For?" Surely she couldn't be foolish enough to think that the two of them would be able to stand up against Morgana's magic. Even if Merlin could be persuaded to use the full extent of his powers, something Arthur had only glimpsed at on very few occasions, he doubted they could take on Morgana.

She bit her lip and twisted her hands together. Why did he feel the sudden urge to rub her back? "I need to find someone called Emrys."

"Emrys?" Merlin frowned. "Can't say I've heard of him. Have you?"

Arthur shook his head. "Why are you looking for this Emrys person? And why can't you just ask the King for some knights for this? Why us?"

Gwen looked at him. "I don't want to be too indebted to King Melby." There was a strange note in her voice but before he could ask, she rushed on. "Also, no one knows if Emrys exists. We need to look for the druids -"

"And you want to use Merlin's magic to draw them out." Arthur glanced at Merlin who looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Yes. I'm willing to pay."

"No." Merlin's answer was quick.

Despair crossed her face and Arthur, once again, felt an irrational urge to hold her and tell her everything would be alright. "Please. I'll pay whatever you want."

Merlin said nothing. Cursing his softening heart, Arthur moved towards Gwen. "Look, we'll talk about it and let you know." He was within touching distance and it took a lot of willpower to not cup her face, to bury his fingers in her curls. Despite everything, he obviously still wanted her.

As if reading his thoughts, Gwen took a step back to safety, swallowed and nodded her head. "I will be at the castle."

* * *

One thing he liked about Hunith was how she never probed. She was always there if you wanted to talk but if you didn't, she never pushed. And so lunch was a quiet affair. Gwen's request was clearly playing on Merlin's mind and while Hunith darted concerned glances at her son, she said nothing.

"Are you sure you two won't spend another night here?"

"Thanks but we shouldn't. Being back in the main town will help us find jobs," he answered as he helped clear up after lunch.

"I don't mean to pry but it's been years. Surely -"

Arthur's hands stilled. Hunith was right. It had been years since his smithy had burned down and with the number of jobs he and Merlin had taken on, they should have earned enough to rebuild. But Merlin was a man without a purpose since he stopped his magic training. And Arthur himself was not keen on putting down roots, not when he knew how painful it was when they were ripped from you, as they invariably were. "It won't be much longer."

The lie hung between the three of them as they packed. Each of them took turns to hug a teary Hunith before leaving.

For a while, neither of them said anything as they walked along the worn path towards the main town. Finally it was Merlin who spoke first. "You want to help her."

"And you don't."

"Not particularly." Merlin shrugged. "Morgana was close to the druids. I'm just a small time magic user. They won't reveal anything to me."

"Don't you ever wonder? Gaius once said you were destined for great things." Tossing a twig, Arthur glanced at Merlin who looked deep in thought. "Maybe this is your chance to find out more. The druids are said to be able to see into the future."

"I'm happy with life now." Merlin said flatly.

"Really? Aren't you the one who is always talking about wanting a more stable life? Maybe you could be a Druid."

"On a farm! Not - what on earth do druids do anyway? Sit around in caves and contemplate the future?"

Arthur laughed. "And chant. They look like the chanting sort. I wonder how they feed themselves. Maybe they are like that fortune-teller in the main town - for a coin, they'll tell you whatever you want to hear."

"Not very good business sense to hide in caves in the middle of forests though."

"If you do become a druid, we'll have to part ways. I'm not living in a damp cave for the rest of my life."

That put a smile on Merlin's face and Arthur bumped his shoulder in response. "Come on. Let's talk about something happier. Like how that spider scared the wits out of your last week. That was hilarious."

"You are terrible at cheering people up. And I wasn't the one who screamed and jumped onto the bed."

"Ah, but you joined me on it didn't you? Don't forget, you did nothing while I fended it off."

"Because fending a spider off is such a great feat. Sir Arthur the Great killed a spider smaller than his palm! All hail his heroism." Dipping into an exaggerated bow, Merlin grinned at Arthur.

"Oh shut up." He shoved Merlin once more and ran off before Merlin could retaliate.

* * *

After paying for a night at the tavern, Arthur had stayed downstairs chatting with some of the regulars. That was usually how they found jobs but Merlin wasn't feeling particularly sociable so he left Arthur to it while he hung around in their threadbare room. Perhaps that wasn't the best idea as thoughts of Morgana rose in his mind again.

Morgana spoke little of her past and aside from the fact that some time during her childhood, she was raised by a small family of druids just outside Camelot, Merlin knew nothing. They were too busy in their little magic bubble to worry about petty details like that. Of course, bubbles burst and theirs burst spectacularly.

* * *

He hadn't been able to sleep and thought he would grab one of those massive tomes from Gaius's library. After all, Gaius was always going on about how he needed to study more and rely less on his instincts. Reading would definitely put him to sleep.

A fire burned in the library and Merlin shook his head. Gaius was getting old and forgetful. It was a good thing he decided to come to the library before the whole place caught fire. Stretching out his hand to push open the door, Merlin paused when he heard voices - in particular Morgana's voice.

And Morgause - a witch known for her dealings with the dark arts.

He barged into the room. "What is this? Why are you here?"

Morgause looked at him, amusement dancing in her eyes. "And this must be your little wizard lover."

Immediately, Morgana stepped in front of him. "Leave him alone. He has nothing to do with this." Then she turned. "You should go Merlin. This doesn't concern you."

He knew what Morgana was up to. She had mentioned it before, dropping hints here and there but he hadn't thought she would actually do it. She didn't have it in her or so he believed. "Don't. You know the consequences of using dark magic." Taking a step towards her, he continued. "We have plans for the future - together. Don't jeopardise them."

"Isn't he precious?" Morgause laughed coldly. "Your tiny dreams are hardly enough for someone with a destiny as great as Morgana. I'll speak to you again, sister. Perhaps when you are not so distracted." And in a swirl of smoke, she disappeared.

"Why?" He turned to her, desperate to understand. Sure, they had spoken of dark magic before, of using it to bring back the glory of magic users but that was in the abstract. There was no way either of them would touch dark magic.

"I have no choice." Tears shimmered in her eyes and she reached for him. "You have to understand. It is my destiny to bring freedom to all the magic users in Albion."

"And I want that too. I want us to be able to live anywhere without fear but to turn to dark magic is not the way. It's dangerous, unpredictable and far too -"

Her hand caressed his face gently, a sad smile on hers. "You were always so naive, my darling Merlin."

He cringed. Her eyes were hard, not the gentle, sparkling eyes of the woman he loved. The argument was familiar, something they rehashed over and over again. Merlin admitted he didn't know how to bring about the change they wanted but her methods - Morgause's methods - were cruel and harsh. Necessary Morgana countered. Only violence would result in change.

The next morning, she was gone, a short note, saying nothing, left beside his pillow.

A week later, news spread through Albion of a village which had been decimated by magic after a villager turned a witch over to King Uther. Merlin quit his magic studies that very day.

* * *

Arthur sauntered back into their room in the wee hours in the morning, slightly inebriated.

"Any new jobs?" Merlin lifted his head from the stone masquerading as a pillow.

"Well, Old Man Johnson wants someone to check if his cousin in Camelot is still alive and there's a trader going to Mercia looking for some guards. Any of them interest you?" Arthur pulled off his muddy boots and flung them haphazardly on the floor, much to Merlin's annoyance, before sitting on the bed next to Merlin.

"I also heard news from Camelot. Morgana has taken the throne. That's what she always wanted, isn't it? First it was Mercia. Now Camelot. Soon she will have the whole of Albion in her hands."

"I used to think she wanted us all to live in peace." Merlin sighed. Dark magic. "If Gwen is searching for Emrys, then he must have the key to defeating Morgana."

Arthur said nothing at first. "Maybe we should help Gwen." Arthur's voice was tentative, as if he was worried about upsetting Merlin.

"I thought you were angry with Gwen. And I'm not sure I want to face the druids." Aside from simple tricks, he had both consciously and subconsciously stayed away from more complex magic since that fateful day. Arthur had called him out on it several times but he usually brushed him off, claiming he didn't have the skill. The truth was he was frightened - frightened that he would become like Morgana, that magic would weave its way into his heart and soul and all he would be is magic. Nothing else.

Sighing, Arthur stood up. "If Emrys is the key to stopping Morgana then -. Look Merlin, Morgana isn't the girl you knew anymore. She's corrupted by the power of dark magic. You know that. She's not going to stop with Camelot."

"Do you think I don't know that? That I don't wonder if I could have done more to prevent this?"

"She made her choice, Merlin. It's not your fault."

Merlin buried his head in his hands, groaning. "Why? Why couldn't I just lead a simple life on the farm? Why did I have to be magic?"

"Your magic is a gift."

"You sound like my mother." Merlin launched himself off the bed and started to pace, thoughts swirling in his head. "I'm sure Gwen can find some other magic user to help her."

"That's true. Or we could do it, get paid a nice sum of money and you could maybe find some peace, if not with Morgana, then with your magic. Perhaps you can stop blaming yourself for all the darkness Morgana has brought to Albion if you can aid in stopping her. And perhaps, you'll come to terms with your magic. Gaius always said you were destined for greater things. I don't think he had being a mercenary in mind."

Lifting his head from his hands, Merlin looked at Arthur, trying to read his mind. "What do you get?"

"You know me, always willing to sacrifice myself to help a friend. In this case, you. And maybe, we'll be heroes - saving Camelot from Morgana. Bards will sing songs about us."

Merlin stopped pacing and stared at Arthur who leaned against the door smirking. "You just want to be Gwen's hero."

Arthur's smile faded a little and he shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe. Is that a yes?"

* * *

Sir Percival broke into a wide grin when he saw Arthur and Merlin climb up the stairs to the castle doors.

"Hello there. Here to see the Queen I expect. She will be glad to see you, assuming you bear good news?"

Arthur clapped Percival on the back. He was a good man - friendly and nice unlike some of the other knights in the kingdom who often treated them like dirt.

"Bring us to the Queen?" Arthur asked with a lightness he didn't feel. His feelings for Gwen were all messed up, but maybe, looking for the druids would give Merlin a chance to make peace with his magical abilities.

"Of course. Come with me."

Arthur and Merlin had never actually been in the castle before and Arthur was amazed at the opulence. Were the taxes they were forced to pay paying for all these carpets and jewels and tapestry? It didn't seem very fair. Merlin kept up a conversation with Percival as Arthur gaped at the luxury within the castle. In his mind, he always knew how far apart his world was from those who resided in the castle but seeing it with his own eyes just made it all that more real. And his heart dipped slightly because the tiny piece of hope buried deep in his heart of anything happening between him and the Queen fizzled and died.

"I'll announce you." Percival stopped in front of a door and gestured for them to wait. This was a bad idea. What had he been thinking of? If Merlin needed to meet some druids, they could do it on their own time. They didn't need the money that much and -

"Arthur! Merlin!" Gwen threw open the door, hope written clearly across her face. Percival bowed to her, smiled at them and took his leave. "Come in, please. Mary, please get them something to drink."

Like the rest of the castle, her room was lushly furnished. In fact, Gwen herself was dressed in a fine silk gown, her hair piled up and adorned with flowers. She was breathtakingly beautiful and so obviously out of his reach. Merlin, despite his initial reluctance, had made himself comfortable and was chatting to her, telling her of their decision to help her.

"You'll do it? I - I don't know how to thank you -"

"You will pay us of course. We're not doing it for free." The words came out a lot harsher than he expected and he cringed inwardly at the hurt that flashed in her eyes.

"Of course. I'll pay you handsomely." The excitement in her voice dimmed and she looked warily at him. "I know that you are unhappy that I lied about who I was but -"

Arthur swallowed the bitterness that rose with her words. "Let's not talk about the past. We are here to be employed by you. Everything is just business."

"Arthur." Merlin interrupted, chastising him with his eyes. "Don't listen to him. He may be all business but I still regard you as a friend." Jealousy coursed through him as Gwen turned to Merlin and smiled fondly at him, her hand squeezing his.

"We should discuss details."

Over the next hour, the three of them sat around Gwen's table and talked about the quest ahead. As Arthur listened to the details and plotted with Gwen and Merlin the best way to go about it, he felt the tension in him ease and soon enough, they were chatting easily, almost as if they had been good friends forever.

"This Emrys person - he is a powerful wizard and the only one who can defeat Morgana?" Arthur could hear the doubt in Merlin's voice.

Gwen nodded. "King Melby says he's been said to be Morgana's doom."

Arthur caught Merlin's eye and nodded as supportively as he could. He knew that Merlin still loved Morgana, despite all she had done and being involved in hunting down the man who would kill her was not the best position to be in.

"I'm fine," Merlin whispered. "It has to be done."

"We'll set off tomorrow?" Gwen looked at him, then at Merlin.

"We?" Merlin repeated, "You mean us. Our employers usually don't follow us."

"I'm not going to just wait here. This is my kingdom at stake. I need to speak to the druids myself."

Arthur sighed. "And you will when we bring you to them once we find them."

"No. It would be quicker if I went with you."

"You don't think you would slow us down?"

She stood up and looked at him intently, steel in her eyes. "I remember someone once saying that he would love me to travel with him."

"You asked her to travel with us?" Merlin raised an eyebrow before settling back into his chair, almost as if he was preparing to watch a play.

Ignoring Merlin, Arthur glared at her. How dare she bring that up? "That was before I realised you were Queen."

"That is just a title. What difference does it make? I am still the same person you knew."

"Don't be foolish. It's more than a title," Arthur snapped.

Merlin jumped up and placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Ok. Since it looks like I am the tie-breaker here, I vote that Gwen comes with us. She's handy with a sword and she's right. She's working on a tight deadline and saving time is important."

"Whatever," groused Arthur. "We'll set up before dawn. Be at the courtyard or we will leave without you. Come on. We have preparations to make."

* * *

Before dawn, the courtyard was empty. Only Sir Lancelot and Sir Benedict stood at the castle entrance, watching. It probably shouldn't have surprised him that Gwen was already waiting on the stairs, a small pack next to her. She waved at Merlin but merely nodded at him. He didn't care he told himself. One thing about being Queen was her access to the royal stables and three beautiful horses stood waiting for them.

"Let's go then."

The hooves clattering against the cobblestones that lined the courtyard, the three of them rode out. For much of the morning, they rode in silence, Arthur in front. It was a day and a half to their first stop, a cave in the middle of the Ascerith Forest, rumoured to be where a group of druids lived. Hopefully they would know about Emrys or if not, they would at least be able to point them to someone who did.

Arthur sighed. Despite all their planning, they were really chasing shadows. As more and more of Albion grew increasingly suspicious of those who had magic, no thanks to Uther and his paranoid delusions, the druids had slowly disappeared underground. Arthur didn't think he knew anyone who had seen them recently and all they had to go on were rumours and speculation. Not his preferred way of doing a quest.

"What else do you know about this Emrys person, aside from the fact that he's supposed to be Morgana's doom?" Merlin asked, a tinge of worry in his question.

"Not much really," said Gwen. "I know this all seems like a hopeless quest but I can't just sit by and do nothing. She's been killing people who won't pledge their loyalty to her. I let my kingdom down once. I - I need to do this."

"You know it's not your fault that Camelot fell."

There was silence at first, as if Gwen was surprised that Arthur would talk to her. "That's nice of you to say but I was Queen and Camelot's safety was my responsibility."

Arthur frowned. "The attack was a surprise."

"It was."

"And since Camelot has a magic ban, I assume no one in your castle can do magic."

"No."

Slowing his horse so Gwen's came level with his, he turned to look at her. "Don't blame yourself for things you didn't cause. Your father's ban on magic put everything in motion and you've barely been Queen for half a year. Morgana knew you were dealing with being a new Queen and took advantage."

"It doesn't matter why. It matters that I failed my people. I -"

"Gwen," Merlin said, "Don't do this to yourself."

"You don't understand. The council - they said if I were Queen, I -" Gwen's voice broke and her horse slowed. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter."

"Gwen." Merlin quickly rode next to her and Arthur could hear the concern in his voice. "Perhaps this might be a good time for a rest."

It wasn't. Not if they wanted to get to the safe clearing before dark. But he turned and saw the sadness in Gwen's eyes, the worry all over Merlin's face and he nodded. "Yes, a rest would be good."

They secured their horses and Gwen moved slightly away from them and stood staring into the distance.

Merlin looked at him and tilted his head. Arthur ignored the message and determinedly looked away. With a sigh, Merlin went to Gwen. The familiar taste of jealousy rose in him as he watched Merlin slip an arm around her shoulder. Gwen turned into his half embrace and they spoke in whispers. Annoyed that Merlin didn't seem as conflicted as he did about Gwen and annoyed that he felt like punching the Camelot council for whatever they said to Gwen, he marched off, supposedly in search of water.

Holding the waterskin, he walked into the woods, trying not to think about Gwen, how crushed she looked and how much he wanted to hold her and make promises he couldn't keep. She was the Queen of Camelot. He wasn't even a blacksmith anymore. There was nothing he could offer her. He couldn't even offer a village girl enough to stay with him, much less a Queen. He kicked at some stones as his heart squeezed at his thoughts. This was why he should never get emotionally invested in anything - no one ever stuck around. Not his father, not his mother, not Vivian and definitely not Queen Gwen once she got back her kingdom.

By the time he returned, Gwen was smiling as Merlin entertained her with more silly magic tricks.

"We should go. We've already lost enough daylight."

Gwen and Merlin murmured their agreement and they rode off again. Again he rode in front but this time, he could hear Gwen and Merlin chatting behind him. Arthur couldn't help but think that this whole thing was a terrible idea.

* * *

Aside from the fact that Arthur was being a complete ass to Gwen, the journey was a lot less painful than Merlin expected. Even their night in the forest was uneventful. Often, on their missions there were random bandits, the occasional monster and various mishaps - including once when Arthur managed to ride his horse into a tree. This time, the journey was unusually peaceful.

Merlin should have known that it wouldn't last.

Arthur raised a hand and immediately Merlin pulled to a stop, gesturing to Gwen to do the same. A cave opening yawned in front of them, dark and deep. In silence, they dismounted and secured the horses. Then, for a while, the three of them simple stood staring into the opening.

"I guess we should enter." said Merlin, conjuring up a light. Arthur nodded at him and drew his sword. Gwen followed suit and they slowly inched their way into the cave. Dry leaves crunched under their feet and the damp air hung heavily over them. The cave was uncharacteristically silent.

"Hello?" Merlin heard his voice echo through the cave.

No answer but his the hair on his arms stood. The air was thick with magic and it caressed him, stroked him as if trying to get into him. If it wasn't for Gwen, Merlin would have left immediately. There was too much magic here - too much strong magic.

"We know the druids reside here," called Arthur as they continued to move inside.

Again, there was no response.

"What do we do now? Merlin?"

Turning to a concerned Gwen, Merlin shook his head. He wasn't quite sure himself. As far as he knew, there wasn't a "reveal druids" spell, not that he was any expert. He was the only expert among the three of them though.

Arthur huffed. "Do some magic."

"What?"

"I don't know. Do one of those silly tricks you like to show Gwen."

Rolling his eyes, Merlin quickly turned the flame of his torch into the shape of a flower. The sparks danced in the air, a contrast to the solemn mood everyone was in.

And then his whole life changed.

_EMRYS._

He felt Gwen move closer to him and he instinctively took her hand.

_EMRYS. YOU HAVE COME._

It was like he could feel the rumbling voice in his veins. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Arthur frowned, looking around the dark cave.

Gwen whispered, her hand still entangled in his, "I don't hear anything but it's gotten a lot colder." Her grip tightened. "What is happening Merlin?"

_EMRYS. IT IS YOUR TIME._

"Someone," Merlin said slowly, "is talking to me."

"Well, maybe you should answer them!" Arthur continued moving around and searching the cave.

Gulping, Merlin tried to smile when Gwen squeezed his hand in support. "Who are you? Why don't you show yourself?"

A rustle. Footsteps. A cough.

The cave slowly got brighter and standing in front of them was an elderly man. Immediately, Arthur raised his sword.

"There is no need for violence. The druids are peaceful people." He bowed before looking straight into Merlin's eyes. "We are honoured to have you here, Emrys."

Gwen gasped and dropped his hand. Arthur lowered his sword and turned to stare at him.

"I am not Emrys. You must be mistaken." Merlin could hear the tremble in his voice. Something was going on and he didn't know what. Why would this druid call him Emrys? How did they get into his head?

"Are you not the one they call Merlin?"

He couldn't breathe. "Yes." It was barely a whisper but it was enough.

The elderly druid smiled. "Then you are Emrys. Your feats have been foretold by the crystals."

"No. You're lying. I am not Emrys."

The torch in his hand fell to the ground and he ran.

Arthur yelled at him.

He continued to run. If he ran as fast as possible, perhaps he could run away from it all.


	3. Chapter 3

Gwen stared in utter disbelief as Merlin turned and ran out of the cave, leaving her and a frustrated Arthur with the elderly druid. Of all the eventualities she had prepared for, this was not one of them.

"He will come around," the elderly druid looked at her and Arthur calmly, studying them. Arthur made a noise, then swept past her out of the cave, tension in every line of his body. Head bowed, the elderly druid turned to leave as well.

"Wait!" Gwen reached out an arm to grab him, then thought better of it. She wasn't sure what she wanted from the druid. Questions raced in her confused mind, yet aside from that one word, nothing came out of her mouth.

But perhaps the druid knew better than her. "The wise and fair Queen Guinevere. All the pieces are here. Albion might yet be saved."

"How did you -"

"We know a great many things, my lady."

Her eyes widened and she whispered, "Camelot. Tell me, what happens to Camelot?"

"The future is ever shifting Queen Guinevere. The three of you are not here without reason -"

"Merlin is Emrys?" Arthur marched back into the cave and turned on the druid, his sword pointing at him menacingly. "Are you serious? This isn't some sort of sick joke?"

"Ah, Arthur, the Queen's consort and her strength."

"Stop talking in riddles. I am no one's consort." He snarled and took a step closer to the druid. Quickly, Gwen grabbed his arm. Killing a druid was not a good idea, not when she needed to know what he knew.

"I must go. I have already said too much. Tell Emrys that Kilgarrah is waiting for him. You are our hope." A slight smiled ghosted across his face and the druid was gone as the cave plunged into darkness again.

For a while, the two of them stood staring into the darkness. Her hand was still on Arthur's arm and she could feel the tension in his body. Then, quite suddenly, he moved. Hhis fingers were threaded through hers and he was tugging at her. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

She squinted against the bright sun. Their fingers were still entwined and Arthur didn't seem about to let her hand go. This was definitely not what she expected. Merlin, sweet, kind, friendly Merlin was Emrys – the one who she needed to save Camelot. She could barely come to grips with that. How much worse would it have been for Merlin?

"We need to find him." Arthur tugged at her hand again and she stumbled after him. "He can't have gotten far."

"The horses –"

Arthur shook his head. "Merlin didn't take his horse. He must be on foot." His words were clipped and Gwen could hear the anxiety in them. "Damn," he cursed. "I should never have talked him into this."

Her eyes darted to Arthur. She had been convinced that it was Merlin who persuaded Arthur to help her. But she had little time to ponder the meaning of Arthur's action as they ran through the forest, Arthur yelling Merlin's name. Roots tripped her, branches whipped across her face yet Arthur kept pushing on, his hand gripping hers tightly. Her stomach hurt and she could barely breathe.

Then she saw him, seated on a fallen trunk, arms wrapped around himself. "Arthur," she gasped pulling on his hand. "Arthur."

He stopped and looked in the direction she pointed. Without a word, Arthur sheathed his sword and let go of her hand. She didn't need to be told to stay where she was. Leaning against the rough bark of a tree, Gwen watched with blatant curiosity as Arthur made his way towards Merlin.

Merlin looked up and the smile he pasted on his face was strained. Arthur said something and the tension in Merlin's face eased a little but his eyes remained anxious. Part of Gwen wanted to know what they were talking about. After all, her kingdom was at stake. But the other part of her, the part that wasn't Queen, just wanted Merlin to be alright.

* * *

"Emrys is a terrible name. Not that Merlin is much better."

"Tell that to my mother. You took your time," Merlin said as Arthur settled down next to him. "I thought you'd find me sooner."

"Yeah, well. Thought you might have wanted to have some time to yourself, wrap your head around what happened in the cave. Also, we stayed to chat with that old man."

Despite the confusion swirling in his head, Merlin found himself asking, "Really? Learn anything interesting?"

Arthur stretched out his legs and rubbed his thighs. "Actually no. He's like Old Johnson, full of vague, useless sayings. Then he disappeared into thin air. You should learn to do that, you know. Very nifty."

Merlin hummed in agreement. Arthur sighed. "Light a fire. It's getting cold. Gwen is huddling behind that tree pretending not to be listening. You don't mind if -"

Gwen. Merlin had forgotten all about the person who had started this whole thing. Looking up, he saw Gwen turn her head quickly and he bit down on a smile. "Of course not."

He watched as Arthur pushed himself off the trunk and walked over to Gwen, their heads close together as they talked. Idly, Merlin wondered if the two of them would fall in love. They certainly made an attractive pair, but he'd thought that of Arthur and Vivian as well and look how that turned out. He wondered if anyone thought that of him and Morgana. He doubted it. Morgana might have been strikingly beautiful but the best thing anyone had said to him was that he looked cheerful.

"Are you alright?" Gwen sat on his other side and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm good." It was a lie but he wasn't quite sure what else to say. He might like Gwen but he didn't think she was interested in his history or his feelings about magic, much less his sordid history with Morgana.

"I guess we're making camp here," said Arthur. "I'm going to get the horses." Merlin caught Arthur's concerned look but shrugged it off. Shaking his head, Arthur left him and Gwen alone in front of the burning fire.

The silence was awkward. Gwen kept darting glances at him, looking as if she wanted to say something, then not saying it. Instead, she picked at her clothes, drew circles in the sand with her feet and smiled wanly whenever he looked at her.

"Looks like finding Emrys was easier than you thought."

Her startled eyes met his. "You never knew? Not even a little?"

"I never heard of the name till that day you mentioned it." He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice but Gwen's flinch suggested he wasn't that successful.

"I wish I could say I'm sorry -"

"But you're not?"

She shook her head, her curls bouncing against her cheek. Merlin sighed inwardly. He really liked Gwen but he also knew what she was about to ask of him. "I can't do this," he said quietly. "I wish I could but I can't."

He kept his eyes on the ground in front of him but he could feel the tension in Gwen. He braced himself for her to guilt him into it, point out all the things Morgana was doing in Camelot and how she'd practically burnt Mercia to the ground. But in the end, she said nothing. Only a soft sigh came from her, then a comforting arm on his.

By the time Arthur returned, grumbling about how difficult it was to manage three horses, Merlin and Gwen had whipped up a simple meal. He held out a bowl to Arthur who took it while looking suspiciously at the two of them.

"So what were you two talking about?"

"Nothing much," said Merlin, making it clear he had no intention of discussing whatever went on in that cave this evening. Arthur merely raised an eyebrow, then made a comment about the food before tucking in. Gwen remained quiet the rest of the evening.

As the sun slowly disappeared, they laid out their bedrolls.

"I'll take first watch," said Gwen. Normally, Merlin would have protested. How could they allow the Queen to do night watch? But he was tired and annoyed, his mind full of questions he had no answers to, so he simply nodded, then curled into his bedroll, hoping fervently that the occasional dreams he had of Morgana wouldn't haunt him tonight.

* * *

_Queen's consort_.

The words echoed in Arthur's head. At first, he hadn't paid much attention to anything the druid had said after Merlin ran off but now, sitting alone in the darkness, staring at the flickering fire, the words wouldn't leave him alone. What was a consort anyway? Her lover? Someone who pledged their life to her and fought for her? Neither seemed anything he wanted. He'd heard many stories of Kings and Queens and their lovers, how ultimately they were left abandoned, sometimes with riches, sometimes without. He wasn't about to be some sort of plaything for Gwen, to be left when she found somebody more appropriate.

Then he laughed at himself. Why would the Queen of Camelot even want him in the first place? No home, no riches, no security as Vivian quite clearly told him.

He tilted his head back and stared at the stars. When he and Merlin were younger, they used to lie in the open field at night and look at the stars, wondering how big the world was. He remembered fantasizing with Merlin about travelling the world, fantasized about being brave knights rescuing the helpless. Those fantasies had faded as time passed but now, if the druid was to be believed, it looked like Merlin held the power to save the world in his hands. Trusting, innocent, foolish Merlin.

The world probably thought the whole thing was a joke.

Footsteps told him that he wasn't alone anymore and deftly, Arthur drew his sword and got to his feet. Merlin stumbled towards him, one hand rubbing at his eyes.

"Couldn't sleep?" He dropped Excalibur to the ground.

"You try sleeping when the whole world rests on your shoulders."

"So you believe the druid then?"

With a groan, Merlin lowered himself to the ground next to Arthur. "He was able to speak to me in my head. And he knew my name." He grabbed a twig and played with it. "But even if I accept that I'm this Emrys person, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. If I turn up in front of Morgana, she's just going to laugh at me. Look at the way she controlled the weather. I can't even make it rain when mother's crops needs it."

"I don't think she'll laugh at you," Arthur said quietly.

"I can't kill her, Arthur. I don't think I can."

"Can you sit here, knowing she's out there destroying Albion, knowing you're the person to stop her, and not do anything?"

A wretched groan was torn from Merlin. He tossed the twig to the ground and covered his face with his hands.

In an attempt to change the subject, Arthur confessed. "The druid said I was the Queen's consort."

For a while, Merlin merely stared blankly at him. Then, in the dim light, Arthur could see the start of a smile. "The Queen's consort. The druids can read your filthy mind."

"Shut up."

"You should get over yourself and kiss her again. That would put you in a better mood," laughed Merlin.

"Just shut up."

"She didn't lie to you to hurt you. She isn't Vivian."

"Yeah." He knew that but if he didn't hold on to that anger, he was in danger of finding himself in too deep.

A while later, Merlin spoke again. "I like Gwen. She's a lovely person. You could do worse than her."

"Yeah? If she's so lovely, maybe you should help her save her kingdom."

"Prat." Then Merlin sighed. "If I am," he paused. "If I am Emrys and everything that entails, what do you think we should do next?"

"The druid said Kilgarrah is waiting for you."

Merlin turned to look at him. "Kilgarrah. Who's that?"

"I've no idea."

"Brilliant, Arthur. Just brilliant. Didn't it occur to you to ask?"

Arthur shrugged. "I'm not the one who ran away and refused to listen to the druid."

This time, it was Merlin's turn to tell Arthur to shut up. Kicking some sand in Merlin's direction, Arthur stood. "Fine, I'm going to sleep. You keep watch."

* * *

As Merlin sorted out the horses, Arthur walked over to where Gwen was still curled up in her bedroll. Her hair was a riot, spread across the ground and her face, her lashes rested against her freckled cheeks and she looked young, nothing like the haunted, tense Queen she was when she was awake.

Unthinkingly, he lowered himself next to her and pushed her hair gently from her face. Her eyes fluttered open and his heart clenched at the smile she gave him. It was part sultry, part sleepy affection.

"Hi," she rasped, reaching out to him. He let her fingers run across his cheek before he covered her hand with his and brought it to his lips.

"Good morning," he murmured against her palm. She smiled contentedly at him and Arthur found himself smiling back. "Merlin made some breakfast, then we're going to head off."

His words broke the spell that had weaved around them and she blinked, then quickly pulled her hand away. "Oh," she said as she scrambled up. "I'll be ready soon."

Disappointed and feeling slightly bereft without her touch, Arthur nodded, sprung to his feet and went to see if Merlin needed any help.

"I've been thinking, maybe we should return to Rhegad, and make a trip to see Gaius. He might have heard of Kilgarrah." Merlin stared at his horse as he spoke, refusing to look at Arthur.

"Hmm," said Arthur as he stroked the horse. The palace horses were beautiful, well-groomed, well-trained. You never had to worry about them refusing to follow instructions. "Does this mean we're off to defeat Morgana?"

Merlin finally looked at him. "You don't have to do this."

"And miss the excitement of my lifetime and the chance to be a hero? I don't think so." The words flowed smoothly, masking the uncertainty and fear that was churning in him. Merlin might be Emrys but Arthur couldn't understand how someone as mild, as peace-loving, as kind as Merlin would be able to stand up to Morgana. Merlin was walking to his death. And Arthur wasn't going to let him go alone.

"Well," said Merlin nonchalantly, although Arthur could see the gratitude in his eyes, "if you insist. God knows you're a stubborn ass."

"Better than being a clumsy one. I think the druids must have mixed you up with -"

"Hey," Gwen said as she walked towards them, her bedroll in her hands. Her eyes darted from him to Merlin and back again. "Where are we going?"

"Back to Rhegad." Arthur grabbed the bedroll from her and tied it to her horse. When she didn't move, he turned back to see her chewing uncertainly on her lip. "Is there a problem?"

"Just - I thought since Merlin is Emrys that we should -"

Merlin shifted uncomfortably and Arthur shook his head, stopping Gwen. He wanted to tell her what they decided but it was Merlin's decision to tell. Instead, he said, as kindly as he could, "Look, Gwen. We found Emrys for you. That's the scope of our job."

"Yes and I appreciate that very much and you will be well rewarded but Merlin is Emrys and he needs to save Camelot and -" She sucked in a breath. "I know it's a huge revelation to you, Merlin and there's something else going on that I don't completely understand, but I need you. Please. Please don't let my people suffer." By now, tears had gathered in her eyes and Arthur again felt that urge to gather her to him and rub her back.

But he didn't need to since Merlin was hugging her instead. Gwen face was buried in Merlin's chest as her body shuddered. Merlin was whispering something to her and despite his curiosity, Arthur figured it was probably inappropriate to insert himself into it. Instead he turned away to fuss with his horse, turning back only when the sniffling seemed to have stopped. Gwen had a tentative smile on her face although it was still damp with tears and Merlin was helping her onto her horse.

"Come on Arthur!" His worried eyes contrasted against the usual carefree grin he had pasted on his face, Merlin gestured for him to hurry.

Maybe everything will be alright.

* * *

The two of them had told her to rest in the castle, that they would see her the next day but Gwen wasn't about to be left out of their plans, especially since those plans involved the defeat of Morgana and the saving of her kingdom. She'd overheard Merlin and Arthur speak of visiting someone that evening so she had feigned illness, skipped dinner with King Melby and, with the help of Sir Percival, made her way through town to the tavern. Her hand trembled slightly as she pushed open the heavy door. The smell of mead, the loud chatter of the people and the slightly damp smell that seemed to be a fixture in ever tavern greeted her. As quietly as possible, she slipped inside, casting her eyes across the floor for Merlin or Arthur.

Neither of them seemed to be around and she was already attracting stares. She tugged the cloak tighter around her body and turned to leave. She must have missed them. The moment her hand touched the rough wood of the door, it swung open and she found herself face to face with Arthur. Her heart fluttered at his proximity and she grabbed the edge of the door to stop herself from swaying towards him. The cloak must be very effective as a disguise because Arthur simply stepped around her.

"Arthur," she whispered.

"What – Gwen!" He bent slightly and peered at her under her hood. The moment he ascertained it was her, she was dragged quite unceremoniously out of the tavern. Under the burning lamp just outside, Arthur finally came to a stop.

"I thought we said –"

Pushing her hood down, she interrupted Arthur. "I know what you said. I didn't agree, did I? I want to see whoever it is you and Merlin are going to see. It's my kingdom and I –"

"It may be your kingdom but it's Merlin's life!"

"I realize that and –"

Arthur ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. "You don't understand what this means to Merlin. You need to give him space. He needs to work this out, without you being there, pressurizing him."

Gwen gaped at Arthur's words. "I never –"

"Merlin may look stupid but he isn't. You don't think he doesn't realize how desperate you are to save Camelot? He doesn't need to see you there all the time to be reminded of the responsibilities on his shoulders. He has the softest heart in the world and he'll sacrifice himself for Camelot because –"

"Hey Arthur! I see you've gotten over Vivian already," laughed a large man who slapped Arthur heartily on the shoulder before entering the tavern.

"Vivian?" The word slipped from her before she could stop herself. Inwardly, Gwen chided herself. She should be worrying about Camelot, not wondering about who Vivian was.

Arthur simply shook his head, ignoring her foolishness. "Give Merlin some space. Please."

Gwen closed her eyes, images of Camelot burning playing in her head. "Alright."

When Arthur's hand gently cradled her cheek, her eyes shot open. In the shadows, his usually clear blue eyes were dark. His thumb rubbed against her bottom lip. She couldn't look away and she couldn't move.

"Merlin will do the right thing. He always does." This time, Arthur's voice was low and rough and every syllable sent a shiver down her spine. Her breath hitched. His thumb was still rubbing her lip and she leaned into his hand. Her lips were dry and she licked them.

One of them groaned. Then, somehow, they were kissing. Her hands moved from his chest to wind around his neck as his were tight bands around her waist, holding her close against him. She opened her mouth, allowing his tongue entrance, loving the feel of him exploring her mouth. He tasted like chicken and mead, two flavours Gwen decided at that moment were her favourite.

He pulled away eventually, his chest heaving, his breath harsh against her skin. She made a sound of protest when his arms left her and he took a step back.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said and before she could ask what he was sorry about, he disappeared into the tavern.

Gingerly, she reached up and touched her lips. They felt slightly swollen. She swallowed the knot that had formed in her throat, blinked a few times before she pulled her hood on once more and made her way back to the castle.

When Mary offered to light the candles in her room, Gwen told her not to. The darkness was like a shield, hiding her away from everything that was wrong in her life. The bed was as comfortable as the one she had back in Camelot but where once she found solace and solitude from the excesses of court life, it now only reminded her of how alone she was. She let her mind wander, imagining what it would be like with Arthur next to her in bed, his arms holding her, his breath against her skin. Her father had kept her sheltered all her life and it was only the gossip of her servants that taught Gwen of what it meant to be a lady with a man.

Had her father been alive, he most certainly would disapprove of Arthur. He'd said often that Gwen would marry someone from one of the large, neighbouring kingdoms and together they would rule over Albion. Uther never spoke of love or affection, only power and influence. And before she met Arthur, Gwen didn't see any reason to disagree with her father.

But now, she had a horrible feeling she might be falling for Arthur.

With thoughts of her crumbling kingdom and Arthur swirling in her head, Gwen fell into a troubled sleep.

* * *

It was amazing how everything looked like it did two years ago. Even Gaius. The smile that creased his face when he saw Merlin made guilt churn in his stomach. He really should have visited earlier. Arthur poked his back and Merlin stopped dawdling at the entrance and walked in.

"Merlin! What a surprise!" Gaius stood, utter pleasure in his eyes. "I would ask you how you are but your mother has been keeping me informed. And Arthur. I hear your little mercenary outfit is going well."

Arthur smiled. "I hope you have been well too. Life hasn't been too bad. With all the fighting, mercenaries are always in demand."

They made small talk as Gaius pottered around the small room, making tea. Finally they settled around Gaius's table.

"Now, I'm not so old that I can't tell there's a reason for your visit." Placing his cup down on the table, Gaius looked keenly at him. "Is it Morgana?"

Merlin glanced at Arthur. Then he nodded. "You've heard that she's taken over Camelot?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Gaius sighed. "I can't help but wonder why I never saw the darkness in her."

"She blinded us with her brilliance," he said although even he knew that was too easy an answer. Morgana had been brilliant but her brilliance had been compromised by her impatience and her growing conviction that no one could match her. "I heard that only one person can go up against her."

"You mean Emrys?"

The name still made Merlin's heart jump. "Yes, Emrys."

"It is said he is Morgana's doom," said Gaius.

"You believe that then?" Arthur asked, leaning forward. "That this Emrys person is the one to save us all from Morgana."

Gaius sighed again. "The druids believe it. But it doesn't matter if I believe it or not. No one knows who Emrys is or where to find him. The magic community here have sent out people to look for Emrys but to no avail."

"The Queen of Camelot hired us to look for Emrys," said Merlin.

"Oh." For a while, Gaius said nothing. "That's interesting. Are you here to ask for help then?"

"No." Merlin caught Arthur's eyes. He hadn't actually said the words before. At Arthur's encouraging nod, he sucked in a breath and said in a rush, "I am Emrys."

The words came out easily enough. He didn't choke or laugh but they sounded foreign to his ears. Gaius stilled, his eyes cool as his fingers tightened around the cup he held. "I am Emrys." He said it again. This time, it didn't sound so strange. Maybe if he said it more often, he'd begin to actually believe it himself.

"You are Emrys," repeated Gaius after a long silence. He let out a breath and shook his head. "I should have known."

"You should have known? Were there signs?" A thought suddenly occurred to him. "I am my mother's child right? Not some baby left by the side of the road -"

"You are your mother's child. I was there when you were born. You were born on the seventh day of the seventh month under the full moon. I knew you would be special. I just didn't realize how special."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Arthur smirk while mouthing the word 'special'. Such a prat. Had Gaius not been sitting between them, Merlin would have given Arthur a well-deserved kick. Instead, he settled for making the tea Arthur was holding spill. He pursed his lips, trying not to laugh at Arthur's scowl.

"What do you plan to do?" A frown fought for space among Gaius's wrinkles.

Merlin returned his attention to Gaius. "That's why we're here. We have no idea."

"The druid said something about Kilgarrah. Do you know who that is?" Arthur suddenly said.

It was just a twitch of his eyebrow but Merlin noticed. So Gaius knew who Kilgarrah was but he was saying nothing. With some effort, Gaius stood and walked away from the table to an overflowing bookshelf that took up one corner of his room. He spent a while staring at the spines of the books before finally dragging a thick, dusty tome off the shelf. Merlin caught a face full of dust as Gaius dropped the book in front of him.

"You never did complete your magic training. You might find this useful."

Merlin stared at the book, the words _Magical Spells - A Primer_ stared back at him. He remembered the book - it was one of the many he was supposed to have read during his training. Instead, he had spent his evenings with Morgana, their books cast aside, studying each other. "Thank you."

"Kilgarrah, Gauis," repeated Arthur and Merlin could hear the slight impatience in his voice.

"Kigarrah," said Gaius slowly, "is a dragon."

"A dragon? Is this some kind of joke? Uther slaughtered them all years ago." Arthur stood and started pacing in the small room, making it feel even smaller.

"He's the last of his kind. Uther trapped him under his castle, as a trophy. I believe that is where he still resides."

Arthur stopped pacing. Merlin choked as realisation dawned upon him. "We have to go back to Camelot."

"Where Morgana is!" Arthur pointed out unnecessarily.

"He is the oldest magical creature around," said Gaius. "He will have answers to the questions you have. Merlin -"

He'd stopped listening. Inside his head, two factions warred. He didn't have to do this. He didn't have to get involved in this war Morgana was waging. No one knew he was Emrys and even if word got out, it would not be difficult to deny it. Yet, how could he stand by and watch Morgana burn her way through Albion? Why was he cursed with such a burden?

The small room had gone quiet and he looked up to see Arthur and Gaius watching him, waiting. What were they waiting for? For him to save the world? The walls seemed to close in on him, his mind wouldn't stop churning and the tension that had been a dull noise in the background threatened to drown him.

"I can't do this." Without waiting for either Arthur or Gaius, he walked out of the room.

* * *

Clearly, running away was what he did best, Merlin thought bitterly as he walked out of the house and into the pouring rain. As the rain soaked through his clothes and plastered his hair to his face, Merlin walked until he reached his mother's.

There was something very comforting about cradling a cup of tea, huddling under a heavy blanket and sitting in front of a roaring fire. At the table next to him, Hunith focused all her attention on whatever it was she was sewing.

"I can hear you worrying Mum."

She clicked her tongue. "My son turns up late in the evening at my door, soaked to the bone and you expect me not to worry? Why isn't Arthur with you?"

Merlin wondered that too. He'd expected Arthur to come running after him but there'd been no sign of that happening. "I don't know. Maybe he's still talking to Gaius."

That was the wrong thing to say.

Hunith's hands stilled and slowly, she placed her sewing onto the table. "You went to see Gaius? You've avoided him for years. What's going on Merlin?"

"Did you know I was born on the seventh day of the seventh month under a full moon?"

"Of course. Gaius said that made you special – gave you your magic." Hunith left the table and sat next to him on the bench.

"Gaius said once I was destined for great things. What if I don't want great things?"

"Merlin," she took his hand in hers. He gripped it tightly. "All I want is for you to be happy. If being happy means being ordinary, then be ordinary."

He looked down at their entwined hands, then at his mother's face. The love in her eyes warmed him more than the fire ever could. He wanted to tell her everything – his mother would know what to do - but he couldn't find the words to explain how his whole world had changed. "Can I stay the night?"

Hunith hugged him to her. "You never have to ask, Merlin."

* * *

Arthur nodded at the young girl who placed the tankard of mead in front of him. As the cool liquid slid down his throat, his eyes scanned the familiar surroundings, wondering how it was everyone was going about life normally when he felt that his own was so uncertain. His first instinct was to run after Merlin but when he realized that Merlin was walking in the direction of Hunith, Arthur decided that it was probably best to leave them alone.

His thoughts were interrupted when a group of young knights suddenly burst into loud cheers, their drinks sloshing onto the table. Next to them, a slightly drunk couple were cuddling and giggling. Suddenly, he felt all alone. Merlin had Hunith. Vivian now had Gregory. Who did he have? Grabbing the tankard, he downed the rest of the mead, letting the liquid swirl with the bitterness and loneliness that had taken up residence in his stomach.

He knew who else was all alone.

When he got close enough to the castle gates to see that it was Sir Lancelot on guard duty and not Percival, he almost decided turn back, but Arthur knew that Lancelot had most likely seen him. He wasn't Rhegad's best knight for nothing.

"Lancelot," he smiled, raising a hand in greeting, as he got nearer.

The turn of Lancelot's head was imperceptible. "It's a bit late to be wandering around the castle."

"I was hoping to see the Queen actually." Arthur flashed his best smile at the unsmiling Lancelot. "It's not too late that she might still be awake."

When Lancelot didn't seem like he was going to reply, Arthur pressed on, glibly lying. "I have news about her search for Emrys. I'm sure she'll want to hear it as soon as possible."

"I don't understand why she couldn't have sought help from the knights of Rhegad," said Lancelot.

"That's a question you have to ask her. So can I see her?"

"I will see if she's awake. Stay here. Don't touch anything."

Arthur rolled his eyes but nodded. He knew Lancelot thought little of the likes of him and the other men for hire, believing them to lack honour and discipline that the knights supposedly possessed. Before, it bothered him but now, Arthur had bigger issues on his mind. Like why he thought paying Gwen a visit in the middle of the night was a good idea. What was he hoping? That she was feeling as alone as him and welcome his company?

Footsteps alerted Arthur to Lancelot's return. "Follow me." Without waiting to see if Arthur actually obeyed his instructions, Lancelot walked back into the castle.

In darkness, with only the torches on the walls as light, the castle took on a gloomy atmosphere. Lancelot was predictably silent as they strode through the winding corridors. At Gwen's door, Lancelot knocked and at her acknowledgement, pushed the door open for Arthur.

"Do you need me to stay, my lady?"

Arthur bit his lip to stop a retort.

"I'll be fine. Thank you." As Lancelot left, Gwen closed the door, then leaned against it. "Lancelot said you had news?"

Only the glow from her fireplace lit the room. Even then, he could see her clearly. She was dressed in a white night gown, a shawl over her shoulders. Her hair was down and shadows danced across her face. She looked like an angel to Arthur. Desire surged through him as he remembered the kiss they shared earlier that evening. He wondered if she was remembering it too when her eyes slipped to his lips then back up again.

"Actually, I don't."

Her lips fell open although no sound came from them.

The disappointment that shadowed her eyes made him mutter an apology. "Merlin is with his mum and I thought you might want some company." When her response was a slight wry smile, Arthur knew she could see through his lie. But she said nothing.

"I'm afraid Mary has left for home so I have nothing to offer except water." The smile still on her face, she gestured for him to sit. When he did, she settled into the chair next to him. She looked at the table, her eyelashes resting against her cheeks. "Did you really come just to see me?"

"Why else would I be here?" He regretted the words immediately, his defensiveness made his statement harsh and she flinched.

"Earlier you –" As if to keep her hands busy, she poured out a mug of water, pushing it towards him. "Earlier, after we –" She stopped, her eyes lifting to meet his before sliding away again. The hurt and confusion in her voice roused something in him, a mixture of protectiveness and guilt. If he and Merlin were actually going to go up against Morgana, it would mean that he and Gwen would be in each other's company for an extended period of time. And it would mean having to deal with whatever it was between them.

He put his hand over hers, partly to stop her from fidgeting and partly to feel her warm, soft skin under his. She looked at him and even in the dim light, he could see the attraction he was feeling reflected in them.

Slowly, because he has no idea how to do this, he said, "I like you Gwen. I think you're brave even when you're afraid, determined even when all hope seems to be lost. And I think you like me."

"But?" The word was released on a soft breath, her fingers curling tighter around her mug.

"You're Queen, Gwen, Queen of the biggest kingdom – well, what was the biggest kingdom in Albion. I'm a small time mercenary. Most days, I have barely enough to rub two coins together." As he spoke, his hand moved to cup her face. She stared at him with wide, trusting eyes and he felt his heart expand with affection for her, making his next words the hardest he'd ever said. "We have no future."

When she continued to just look at him, he found himself filling the silence with more words. "You will be expected to marry someone strategic – someone who will help you –"

"You're helping me," she said suddenly, turning the hand under his so she can thread her fingers through his. "You persuaded Merlin to help me."

The laugh wasn't intentional. "I certainly didn't think he was going to be revealed as Emrys. But Gwen, you know that's not what I mean."

"What are you suggesting? That we pretend that we don't feel the way we do?" The pain in her voice made every word a needle pricking his heart.

"Yes," he said even as his heart bled. "You need to focus on reclaiming Camelot. And I need to focus on making sure Merlin doesn't collapse under all the pressure."

Her fingers were still entwined with his and his hand still cupped her face. "You're right," she whispered.

Then one of them moved and he was kissing her, gently, slowly moving his lips against hers, his hand moving to slide through her curls as hers tentatively touched his chest. Her lips parted, her tongue sweeping against his and he let out a harsh groan, all the reasons he shouldn't get further involved with Gwen fled his mind. He stood and pulled Gwen up with him, sliding one arm around her waist to pull her flush against him. She went willingly, the small noises she made as he kissed her sending desire flooding through him.

He needed to touch her. His fingers ran across the neckline of her nightgown. When he brushed against the curve of her breasts, he felt her still. Quickly, guiltily, Arthur dropped his hand and stepped back. One moment he was telling her no, then he was devouring her as if he couldn't live without her. Cursing inwardly, he prepared to apologise again but she anticipated him, placing a finger against his lips.

"One night? Can we at least have one night?"

"Are you sure? Gwen –"

"Please."

* * *

It was torture waiting for his reply. She was throbbing with a need she'd never felt before. Arthur was right on every count – whatever marriage she ended up in, it was going to be one of convenience and she suspected she would never feel for her future husband what she felt for Arthur now – not that persistent need to touch him, not that desire to make him smile and definitely not that deep affection that coursed through her whenever she was with him.

She just wanted one night she could tuck away in her memories, one night she could revisit when she lay in her bed next to whichever King she married, one night she could know that she, and not Camelot, was wanted.

"Gwen," he said again and it pleased her that his voice was unsteady.

Realising that words weren't going to persuade him, she moved closer and pressed her lips against his throat. She was nervous but she had long perfected the art of burying her nerves deep inside her. With false confidence, she slipped her hands under his shirt. His skin was warm, smooth except for what she thought were scars. Before she could explore more of him, he grabbed her wrist, forcing her to stop.

"One night," he said.

The intensity of his stare dried her throat and all she could do was nod.

His kiss was hungry, rough even but she drank it in, returning his passion with all she had. She giggled as he struggled with all the ribbons on her nightgown, then squealed when he picked her up and laid her on her bed.

When she deftly untied his trousers, he laughed. "You're better at knots than I am."

Her responding laugh was swallowed by his kiss.

Then, they were both naked and wrapped around each other. His warm skin slid against hers as desire pooled between her legs. His hand dipped lower, touching her intimately. Her thighs drew together, clamping around his hand. Sudden nervousness made her confess.

Surprise widened his eyes and he stopped, pulling away. For a moment Gwen feared she'd upset him but when she looked at him, Arthur was looking tenderly at her. He gently pushed her damp hair from her face, kissing her forehead with so much tenderness her heart clenched. "Are you sure you want to do this? We don't –"

"I do. I just don't know –"

He cradled her to him. "We'll take it slow."

And he did, covering her whole body with kisses before licking her where she throbbed. It was strange at first but the sensations his tongue created in her left her clutching his head and moaning in painful pleasure. And finally, when he entered her, the pain notwithstanding, it was perfect.

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears that pricked the back of her eyes not to spill.

Much later, Arthur found a damp cloth and gently cleaned her up. She was too overwhelmed with emotions and pleasure to do much more than watch him. He said nothing as he lay next to her and gathered her in his arms.

She didn't sleep that night, her mind filled with both happiness and fear of what sunrise would bring.


	4. Chapter 4

Cleaning out the chicken coop wasn't Merlin's favourite job but the monotony and the complete ordinariness of it soothed him. After all that talk about destiny and dragons, he was quite happy to be wrist deep in mud surrounded by noisy, clucking hens. They had no idea who he was and even if they did, Merlin was pretty sure they didn't really care as long as he fed them.

"Breakfast is ready," Hunith called out and Merlin reluctantly abandoned his duties. His mother had been darting concerned looks at him all morning and he didn't think he could hold out on her for much longer. "Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?" she finally asked once he settled down at the table.

"I was hoping that if I didn't talk about it, it would go away." It was a flippant answer and Hunith merely frowned at him. Without even tasting the breakfast, Merlin placed the spoon back on the table. There was really no other way to say it. "It seems that I have a destiny."

"A destiny?" Her frown eased as she picked up her mug. "What destiny? And how did you find this out?"

Merlin smiled wryly, his eyes focused on the spoon which he pushed around aimlessly. "Well, there was that old man in a cave. A druid. They know things, you know."

"A druid. This was that job you did for the Queen."

"Yes."

"And?"

This was it. Before he could even open him mouth, he could feel his skin prickle with anticipation and his heart race. He made sure to say every word clearly. "I am Emrys. And my destiny is to be Morgana's doom."

To his mother's credit, she didn't drop the mug she was holding. Slowly, she placed it on the table, then stood. Merlin watched curiously as she walked to the small cupboard that held all their worldly belongings. Eventually, she emerged, her hand closed around something.

"Here." Her voice was tight. "Your father, before he – before he died - wanted me to give this to you." Taking his hand, she pressed a metal disc into his palm. Her rough hands closed around Merlin's, squeezing them.

He looked at the disc. A dragon was carved on it. It was worn, slightly rusted, a black ribbon tied to it. "What –"

Hunith had moved back to the table. "I don't know. He gave it to me just before he died. He said to give it to you when you discovered your destiny. By then, King Melby was becoming more suspicious about magic and Camelot began slaughtering magic users. I didn't want our family to be brought to their attention. So I hid it." Her voice broke. "With everything else that reminded me of your father." Quickly, Merlin went to her side, his arm sliding around her shoulder. When she shuddered against him, then turned so she could bury her face in his embrace, he felt his own heart break and any resentment he harboured at his mother keeping this from him faded.

"Did father say anything about the disc?" Hunith cradled the mug Merlin passed to her as she sat back at the table. Red rimmed her eyes but they were dry.

"No, just that you'd need it to fulfil your destiny."

He tilted his head back until it hit the back of his chair. "I don't suppose he left instructions."

A slight smile crossed Hunith's face. "No. What are you going to do now? You and Morgana –"

"I don't know." Then he sighed at the lie. He'd known from the moment he accepted his destiny what he had to do. "Actually –"

Hunith placed her hand on his lips. "Promise me you'll take care."

"I promise," he said, his voice breaking at the tears in his mother's eyes. "I promise."

* * *

Gwen woke when the sun hit her eyes.

"Good morning, my lady," chirped Mary as she drew the curtains. "Breakfast is on the table and I've laid out your dress for today. I chose the one with the pretty neckline you like. King Melby wants to have lunch with you."

"Thank you," said Gwen with a frown. Something niggled at the back of her mind but she couldn't put her finger on it. "The sun's really bright today."

"That's because you are up later than usual." Mary deftly pulled back her covers, hinting that it was time Gwen got out of bed.

The ache between her legs when she moved, the soreness of her muscles brought back everything that had happened the night before. She quickly turned away from Mary as she got up, afraid that her face would give everything away. As she tugged on the robe Mary handed her, her mind drifted to last night when she'd woken while the moon still hung in the sky. Arthur's arms were draped loosely around her, his warm breath against the back of her neck. Emboldened by the darkness, she'd turned in his arms and touched him lightly, until he woke, eyes slumberous, his smile lazy.

"Breakfast, my lady?"

Gwen looked up at her hovering maidservant and smiled. "Of course. You can go. I'll get myself ready."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"

Confusion coloured Mary's face but she curtsied and left the room. The moment the door swung shut, Gwen closed her eyes, trying to remember every detail of her one night with Arthur. One night, she'd told him, and her heart ached at the thought.

But it was sensible, she told herself firmly.

She'd had her fun. And now it was time to save her kingdom.

* * *

"You look as messed up as me," said Merlin as he entered the little room above the tavern.

Pulling the covers over his head, Arthur turned to face the wall. It didn't faze Merlin in the least. He dropped his bag onto the floor then perched on the bed. In his hand he held the cool metal disc which he toyed with as his mother's revelations swirled in his mind. When Arthur merely grunted, Merlin shoved him hard.

"What is it?" Arthur pushed the covers down and sat up, scowling at Merlin.

"It's past noon and you're still in bed. Had a bad night?"

"No," snapped Arthur. "I don't want to talk about it. What is up with you?"

"Do you know who else knew I am Emrys?" Merlin rubbed the disc between his thumb and finger.

Arthur moved, finally sitting himself next to Merlin. "The fairies that live in the forest?"

"No. My father."

That stopped Arthur from fidgeting. "Your father. The one who's dead?"

"The one and only." Taking a deep breath, Merlin continued. "It also turns out that he left this for me for when I discovered my destiny." He passed the disc to Arthur who looked suspiciously at it.

"What is this? Doesn't look like anything we can trade for money."

He shot a look at Arthur. "My father left it for me. It has something to do with my destiny."

"There's a dragon on it." Shoving the disc back at Merlin, he showed Merlin the face with the dragon on it. "Is it magic?"

"I'm not sure. It doesn't feel magic." Merlin took the disc and stared at the dragon carved onto one side. "Think this has something to do with the dragon Gaius mentioned?"

Arthur shrugged. Pushing himself off the bed, he walked to the window and looked out. "When do you want to leave?"

"You don't have –"

"Don't be a martyr Merlin. It doesn't suit you. How can I face Hunith if I let you run off alone?" He moved from the window and pulled out his bag from under the bed. Merlin watched quietly as Arthur packed his bags. His movements were jerky and Merlin noticed tension lines on his face.

"What's wrong?"

Arthur grunted.

"Is it Gwen?"

The glare Arthur levelled at him spoke volumes. Dropping the subject, Merlin grabbed his own bag. In silence, side by side, they packed. Merlin tucked the disc between his clothes. He noticed the book Gaius had taken out for him in his bag already. A slight smile crossed his face and he looked at Arthur, who had stopped packing but was staring blankly at his bag and not for the first time, Merlin wished that Arthur never gambled on his sword. Then they would never have gotten entangled in this whole thing.

* * *

King Melby was solicitous, plying her with good wine and easy conversation. Well-trained, Gwen smiled and nodded at appropriate places even though her mind was far from lunch. There were so many things she needed to do – find Merlin and discover what he had learnt, persuade Merlin that he should accept his destiny and get King Melby to support her in her quest to retake Camelot.

"Guinevere?"

She looked up at King Melby's expectant face. "I'm sorry. I missed your question."

"I asked if you'd thought about my proposal." His cold, thin hand reached across the table and took hers.

Smiling tightly, Gwen willed herself not to pull her hand away. Her mind raced as she tried to come up with a respond that wouldn't tie her to a marriage she didn't want yet keep herself in his good graces. To buy time, she grabbed the mug in front of her and sipped.

"Marriage is a major step, my lord. I am flattered that you consider me worthy of being your Queen but I am far too worried about my kingdom to make such important decisions now."

His eyes cooled and his jaw clenched, emphasising the hollows of his cheeks. Gwen waited with bated breath, her heart pounding so hard it was all she could hear. All she knew of King Melby were stories she heard from her father and various servants. Not surprisingly, her father had been complimentary of King Melby but the servants had brought with them stories of how he was almost as harsh as her own father. And now that she had a taste of life outside her father's influence, she wasn't sure she wanted to go back.

"Camelot is lost, my lady, and the sooner you acknowledge that, the better."

While his voice was friendly, his eyes bore into her. For once, she was grateful to her father's severe insistence that she learnt to hide her emotions. Under the table, her hand curled into a fist, her nails biting into the flesh of her palm. "I cannot give up on my kingdom just like that. I am sure you understand that. I am sure you'd do the same for your kingdom." She lifted her gaze to his, hoping that her smile would seem genuine enough. "My father spoke highly of you and I am sure you wouldn't want a Queen who gives up so easily on her kingdom."

The coolness in his eyes eased a little. "What are you trying to say?"

Gwen took a deep breath. This wasn't really lying, she told herself. "Anybody would be lucky to be in my position - to be seen worthy enough to be your wife but I need more time - let me at least try to save my kingdom."

"And you actually think that is a possibility?"

She winced at the patronising tone, but kept the smile on her face. "I have to at least try."

King Melby leaned back into his chair, finally withdrawing his hand from hers. She resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her skirt. "Have you had any luck looking for Emrys? I understand you hired two mercenaries to help you."

"Not yet but there are some clues." Her hands twisted in her lap. "I have some hope." Hope that she would have more of once she could persuade Merlin to help her.

The snort of disbelief was soft but Gwen still heard it. "Since you are so stubborn about this matter, then I feel that it is only right that I allow you some time to pursue this before you give me your decision. But I do expect a positive decision by the end of the month."

_Two weeks._

"I promise you an answer then. Thank you for your patience."

"In fact," King Melby continued, a self-satisfied grin on his face, revealing yellowed teeth that made her cringe inwardly, "I will lend you the services of some of my knights."

"I am grateful for your generosity," she said, trying to insert a note of awe and gratitude into her voice. "It is something I will not forget."

His smug smile only got wider and Gwen hoped that within two weeks she would be able to save her kingdom and be in a position to say no to him without too much lost. The thought of marrying King Melby made her stomach churn.

The moment she was able to leave the table, Gwen excused herself, changed out of her silk dress into a plainer cotton one and hurried to the tavern. Before she even crossed the courtyard, she saw Arthur and Merlin in the distance, walking towards the castle. Immediately, her heart raced and she felt heat rise in her cheeks. Memories of Arthur last night flashed in her mind and she had to stop for a while to compose herself.

"Arthur! Merlin!" She waved at them as they approached. Closer, both looked tired and distracted. Merlin's usual grin was missing and Arthur's eyes were darker. Something had happened. They gave her a half-hearted wave and changed direction to walk towards her.

* * *

Her hair was neatly piled up on her head with a few strands that had escaped framing her face. He itched to run his hand through her hair, release it from its confines and have them tumble over her shoulder like it did last night. The moment he'd noticed her in the distance, his body had reacted, burning with a desire he clearly hadn't managed to quench last night. He laughed at himself – one night. Who was he fooling?

The smile she gave them didn't reach her eyes and behind them, he could see worry. He ached to smooth out the slight furrow in her brows. As she approached, he put his hand behind his back lest he gave in to the urge to touch her.

"Do you have news?"

"Not here," said Merlin. "Can we go somewhere with less people listening?"

"Of course. Shall we walk in the castle gardens?" Completely irrational bitterness swirled in Arthur's gut. Was she avoiding inviting them back to her bedroom because of last night? But then she turned her eyes on him and smiled a full genuine smile.

"I'm sure the gardens are beautiful," Arthur said.

Her arched brow at his reply told him she heard the lack of enthusiasm in his voice.

The gardens were gorgeous. Flowers in a riot of colours surrounded them and the grass was lush under their feet. Silently, Gwen led them to a bench and gestured for them to sit. When Arthur noticed that Merlin had plucked a flower and was sniffing at it, he rolled his eyes. He hoped that wasn't a transgression punishable by flogging because if it was, Merlin was on his own.

_The great Emrys flogged because he couldn't keep his hands to himself and stole from the royal gardens._

Arthur smirked.

"You look pleased," said Merlin, his eyes narrowed, the flower still in his hand.

From the corner of his eye, he saw a flush develop on Gwen's face and he realised what she thought he was thinking of. Which he wasn't. He was earlier as he walked slightly behind Merlin and Gwen, enjoying the sway of her hips. But not now. And while he wanted to make that clear to Gwen – he didn't want to have her thinking he only had one thing on his mind, no matter how true that was – he wasn't clear how without giving away what happened last night to Merlin.

"He's probably thinking about how you're prettier than the flowers," continued Merlin, grinning as if he'd just said something witty.

Arthur groaned. "Is that how you got together with Morgana? Because that was awful."

"Got together with Morgana?" Gwen glanced at Arthur then looked curiously at Merlin. "You and Morgana –"

The grin slid off Merlin's face. "It was a long time ago."

"Very long," said Arthur, not quite sure why he said that.

"That's how you know her. You two were –" Gwen's eyes were wide and, probably unconsciously, she'd taken a step away from Merlin. Then she gasped. "Oh Merlin. No wonder – I – you –"

"I promise you I'm not on her side." He reached out a hand and Gwen took it, letting him lead her to the bench. A bench large enough only for the two of them, so Arthur hovered awkwardly at the side.

Very briefly, Merlin told Gwen about his history with Morgana. By the time he finished, Gwen was gripping Merlin's hand, her eyes large pools of sympathy. "I cannot imagine what it is like to be you now."

"Merlin is stronger than he looks," muttered Arthur mutinously. Gwen glared at him and he sighed. "Anyway, we're here to tell you something. Right Merlin?"

"Have you found out more about Emrys - uh, yourself?"

Merlin nodded. "Arthur and I are going to Camelot."

"Take me with you."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Arthur knew that this would have been her response and he'd even told Merlin so but that stubborn fool had insisted that Gwen needed to be told. "The plan is to sneak in and out. That's not going to happen with you."

"Did you think I was going to swan into Camelot dressed as a princess and announce my arrival to Morgana?" She jumped up from the bench and poked a finger at his chest. He caught her hand, and held on to it, tugging so she stumbled towards him.

"Gwen -"

"Arthur -"

He dropped her hand and stepped back, shaken by the sudden urge to pull her closer to him and the flare of desire that erupted in him. The flush had returned to Gwen's face and Arthur knew she was feeling the same way as him.

Merlin watched them with undisguised curiosity and Arthur glared at him. "Anyway," Arthur said, "we're going to Camelot to speak with a dragon."

Gwen's eyes widened. "A dragon? There's a dragon in Camelot? But -"

"Your father kept one somewhere in the castle apparently." Arthur had wondered if Gwen

"How is that even possible? He hated dragons - tools of magic, he used to call them." She paused as if something just occurred to her. "Oh god. He was an awful person wasn't he?" She blinked and Arthur was almost certain the shine in her eyes were the result of tears. He clenched his fists at his side, refusing to give into the urge to hug her.

Merlin patted her back gently, before getting her to sit down again. "You aren't your father."

"This dragon - he knows things? Will he help Camelot after we killed all his brethren?"

"He may not help Camelot, but I think he might help Emrys." At least that was what Arthur hoped.

"Then you must let me come with you. I know Camelot and her castle like the back of my hand."

Merlin looked at him.

"It's too dangerous," The words left his mouth immediately.

The look she flashed him was a far cry from the way she'd gazed at him last night. "With me, you'll get in and out Camelot quickly. We've travelled before. I may not be as deft with a sword as you or have magic like Merlin but I'm not completely useless."

Merlin chuckled. "I'm magic, Arthur is strength which probably makes you intelligence."

"I am more than my strength." He bristled at that description.

"You agree I should go too right?" Gwen turned her eyes on Merlin. From the look on Merlin's face, Arthur knew he was going to agree with her. Arthur raised his hands in surrender and an almost smug smile spread across Gwen's face when she glanced at him.

Merlin stood, sucking in a breath. "This is it."

"Yes," said Arthur quietly. "Are you sure?"

Merlin nodded. "Tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow," Gwen repeated.

They looked at each other and at that moment, Arthur knew that the three of them were inextricably bound to each other forever. He only hoped that he would emerge from this with both his life and his heart.

The flower still in his hand, its stalk bent from so much handling, Merlin nodded at Gwen and walked away. Arthur followed, stopping when Gwen placed a hand on his arm.

"Is he alright?"

"I hope he will be."

He turned away but Gwen's hand was still on his arm. Slowly he looked back at her. Her throat worked, her eyes wide and again the desire to touch her slammed into him. She didn't have to say anything.

He nodded.

Her fingers slid from his arm.

"Merlin! Wait up!"

* * *

This time, he bypassed the knights and sneaked in through the kitchens at the back of the castle, ignoring that small voice at the back of his head asking him what the hell he was thinking as he darted quietly through the maze of corridors in the servants' quarters till he came to the royal rooms. Armour clattered in the dim light and he shrank back into the cold brick wall. Thankfully, the guard simply walked past him, clearly not expecting the Queen to have illicit lovers lurking in the shadows. He grinned. Merlin would get a kick out of that description.

At her door, Arthur knocked softly. It opened immediately and Gwen's hand curled around his, dragging him in. He chuckled as he slipped his arm around her waist and dipped her into a kiss. In the back of his mind, the warning bells sounded even louder but the feel of Gwen's lips was much more compelling. As long as they both knew where they stood, why couldn't they enjoy what they had now? At least that was what he told himself as he shut that annoying little voice away and turned his full attention to the very eager and pliant Queen in his arms.

This time, she was still shy, letting her hair cover her face but when he flipped around on the bed so she sat on him, she didn't hesitate. With his hands spanning her waist, he urged her to move. Her eyes closed, her mouth gasping, she clutched his shoulders for support as she moved. Gwen, naked, sitting astride him, was a dream he never knew he had, come true.

"Arthur," she sighed as she slumped on him and his hands moved from her hips to wrap around her back. His lips brushed against her damp shoulder before he buried his head into her neck. A sudden urge to tell her he loved her swamped him but he pushed it away. It was just his emotions out of control in the aftermath of sex. He barely knew her, how could he love her?

After a while, he curled his body around hers as he tugged the lush covers over them. She wriggled and pressed herself closer into him, tucking her face into his chest. He felt her mouth move against his skin but couldn't hear her words. Pulling her closer to him, he traced patterns against her smooth, brown skin.

"Gwen," he murmured.

"Hmmm?" She shifted so she could look up at him with soft, pretty eyes.

He dragged a finger down her cheek. "This – it's just temporary." Pain pulsed through him with every word he said but it had to be said, more for his own sake than hers.

Hurt flashed in her eyes. "I know," she said. Looking away, she continued. "King Melby wants to marry me."

He stiffened at her words, a sudden anger taking hold of him. "If you are engaged, we shouldn't be doing this." Roughly, he pushed her away and sat up, looking around for the clothes she had helped tear off him.

"Arthur –" Shoving the covers off her, Gwen scrambled up as well.

"Were you just using me?" he spat, unable to bear the feeling of betrayal and getting angry that he was even feeling that. Betrayal suggested a commitment, a promise and there was none, something he'd just made clear a few seconds ago. "Was it fun for you to have me in your bed while you are preparing to marry someone else?"

"That's not –"

"I don't want to hear it." He tugged his trousers on, pulling on his shirt and stalked to the door.

He could hear the tears in her voice when she called him name, but his anger made his heart harden. With only a brief hesitation, he flung the door open and walked out.

* * *

When Merlin woke the next morning, he noticed that Arthur's bed was untouched. With a roll of his eyes, Merlin hoped this meant that he would be in a good mood. Really, how subtle did the two of them think they were with their accidental touches and heated looks? It was a good thing that he had no shame. He dragged Arthur's heavy pack from under the bed, grabbed his own and walked down to the tavern.

"Where's Arthur?" There was only Gwen at the courtyard. He looked around, wondering if he'd missed Arthur. Then he noticed the redness of Gwen's eyes and the tension in her jaw. Merlin's heart sank.

"I don't know."

"What happened?"

Gwen just shrugged, then looked away, swiping at her eyes. Merlin didn't need this right now. The whole night, he'd been second guessing his decision to go to Camelot. Walking into the middle of danger was never a good idea. And to talk to a dragon? Maybe it would be a better idea to hide. After all no one else knew he was Emrys.

"Hey," Arthur suddenly popped up, his face an inscrutable mask. "Sorry I'm late. Thanks." He grabbed his bag from Merlin and flashed him a tight smile.

As Gwen mounted her horse, Merlin whispered to Arthur. "Where were you?"

"Walking. Needed to let off some steam."

"I hope you got enough rest."

"Don't nag Merlin. You're not my parent." Arthur flung his bag across the horse, then mounted. "Come on, we're late."

"And whose fault is that?" With a sigh, Merlin urged his horse on and they were off.

The earthy smell of damp mud and leaves filled the air, accompanied by the chaotic melodies of the insects and birds that marked the beginning of a new day. Merlin was thankful for the silence that hung over their journey. He wasn't quite in the mood for small talk. Sleep hadn't come easy last time as he tossed on the bed, second guessing his decision. Yet he knew for all the fear and uncertainty that he felt, this was something he had to do. His hand wrapped around the disc again, his thumb rubbing against the etching of the dragon.

Aside from a slight scuffle with a couple of bandits who looked like they had a bad day already (and a worse one after Arthur took out whatever frustration he had on them) and an encounter with some wild boars, most of the journey was uneventful. Conversation between the three of them were brief and purely functional in nature.

Arthur slowed his horse until Merlin pull alongside him. "We need to stop soon. There's a suitable clearing up ahead and the sun is going down."

It was a testament to how much the three of them had travelled together in the short week they knew each other that camp was set up with a minimum of fuss. Merlin crouched over the fire, stirring the pot as Arthur watered and fed the horses. Gwen busied herself setting up the bed rolls and collecting water. Eventually, they could no longer hide behind their duties and as darkness fell over them, they huddled around the fire.

"Where do you think a dragon could be kept in the castle?" asked Merlin as he watched Gwen play with a leaf she'd picked from the ground next to her. "Sounds impossible to me."

She dropped the leaf. "It doesn't seem possible but there are parts of the castle I haven't been, like the dungeons. There's a lower level but father always kept me away. I suppose I know why now." She let out a breath. "Can you imagine, a live dragon under the castle?"

"If I had a castle and wanted to hide a dragon, that's exactly where I'd put it," said Arthur with a roll of his eyes. "We're going to have to come up with a plan to get into Camelot unseen. I imagine that Morgana would have put up defences around the area."

Merlin sighed. "The question is how do we know what defences she has? She's bound to use magic."

"The villagers – they will know," said Gwen. "We can ask them."

Arthur shook his head as he leaned over to toss some sticks into the fire. "And why would they tell a ragtag bunch of people this?"

"Because I'm Queen."

"And so you are," said Arthur bitterly. He threw one more stick into the fire then sat back.

"You've met them?" asked Merlin, ignoring the anger that was literally rolling off Arthur. "They know you on sight?"

"I have met them. I know my father wasn't keen on mingling with the commoners –" Arthur scoffed, earning himself a glare from Gwen. " – but when I turned 18, I thought it was a good idea to get to know some of the people who lived in my kingdom. Dad – he disagreed so I went on my own with my nanny. It was fun and they were so lovely to me. Joan, the baker, gave me some of the bread she baked and Will, the –" Her voice faded and Merlin saw the tears shining in her eyes. "I let them all down, didn't I?"

"Gwen," Merlin said, reaching out to her, his heart breaking at the despair in her face. The tears were now rolling down her cheeks and she gulped. "Gwen," he said again as she leaned into his touch. As he held her in his arms, his eyes met Arthur's. Gwen's pain was reflected in his eyes. Somehow, over the past week, she, the Queen of Camelot, had come to mean something to the both of them and while they neither of them might admit it, they were embarking on this foolish quest not just for themselves but for her.

She pulled away eventually, embarrassment evident on her face. "Sorry," she murmured. Merlin smiled.

"We should sleep," said Arthur gruffly. "I'll keep first watch."

* * *

No matter how close she sat to the fire, Gwen was still cold. The blanket she'd taken with her did little to shield her from the night breeze and she couldn't help but think about how it felt to have Arthur's arms around her, his warmth seeping into her. Her heart tightened as she remembered how their last night ended.

Sometimes she wished she'd died in Morgana's attack on Camelot.

She heard Merlin approach and she turned to look at him. "Hey."

He rubbed his face. "Uneventful night?"

"So far."

Slowly, he sat next to her on the damp ground, eyeing the blanket she had around her shoulders. "Cold?"

She shrugged.

"How are you feeling?" He stretched his hands towards the fire.

"Better."

"Liar." Merlin smiled at her. "You want to talk about it?"

She turned her attention from the fire to Merlin. Behind the sleepiness in his eyes was a tension that had been lurking there since he discovered he was Emrys. Gently, she touched his hand. All this time, Merlin had been stanchly behind her, her friend despite her unwittingly hurling him into a position he clearly didn't want to be in. "What about you? Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" He stiffened under her touch.

"About being Emrys. You don't have to of course. I mean I just –"

She felt him relax slightly. A while later, he said, "We have a long journey ahead of us, the three of us. I guess it's only right you know. Only Arthur knows most of this."

"You two are close."

Merlin's laugh was full of affection. "I love him. Don't get me wrong. He's a pain a lot of the time, arrogant and thinks he knows best when he doesn't but he's the best friend you can have. All that talk about getting rich and famous off this quest, I know he's doing it so I won't be alone."

Apparently, her already burgeoning feelings for Arthur still had space to grow. "You're a good friend too."

"It helps that I'm not in love with you."

Her heart slammed to a stop at Merlin's words and pathetically, she wanted to ask Merlin what Arthur had said about her. But she didn't.

"So, tell me about you and Morgana."

A wry smile spread across his face. "I warn you that it's a long story."

"We have all night don't we?"

As it turned out, the tragic story of Merlin and Morgana did take all night. For most of it, Gwen let Merlin talk, his eyes focused on the flickering fire. There was a flatness to his voice that suggested he was trying to keep his emotions out but in the dim light, Gwen could see them written all over his face.

"And there were rumours she was going round, torching villages which housed those she called magic betrayers."

Her fingers curled around Merlin's arm, her heart hurting for him. "And you stopped your magic training?"

"There were too many bad memories associated with it. And I didn't want to become like Morgana." He took her hand in his and squeezed. "Looks like that didn't quite work. I should have kept up with my training. Right now, all I can do with confidence are silly magic tricks. I have no idea how I'm going to go up against Morgana and Morgause."

"You're not alone, Merlin. You have Arthur and me."

He finally looked at her. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I know. And Gwen?"

"Hmm?"

"You're not alone either."

* * *

The two of them were huddled beneath the threadbare blanket fast asleep when Arthur woke. Jealousy and irritation pooled in his stomach. Not that he thought Gwen felt the same way about Merlin as she did him but that Merlin had such an easy relationship with her.

He kicked Merlin's thigh. "You are an awful watchman. Do I have to do everything around here?"

Merlin peered sleepily up at him. "What?"

"Nothing. Wake her and go get ready to leave. The sun is up and we need to leave if we want to make it to Camelot's borders before nightfall today."

He stalked off to get the horses. Thankfully when he returned, Gwen and Merlin had mostly finished packing up camp and within minutes, they were on their way.

Arthur thought they were just the usual, run of the mill bandits but when one of them raised his hand and blasted him off his horse, he realised just how wrong he was. He landed heavily on his left arm and he quickly realised that he was immobilised. A quick look around told him that Gwen and Merlin were also in the same predicament.

All that talk about dying for honour, saving Camelot from the evil Morgana, going down as heroes and this was how they were going to die. In the middle of a forest, not even close to halfway through their quest. No one would find their bodies for months. He thought of Hunith, then his eyes met the frightened ones of Gwen.

One of the men advanced on him and Arthur closed his eyes.

Then, nothing.

He opened his eyes to see Merlin standing, his chest heaving as if he'd run a long distance. The three men who had ambushed them lay unmoving on the ground.

"Merlin?"

"Let's go. Hurry." Merlin grabbed Gwen's hand and pulled her up. Arthur realised that he could move and quickly mounted his horse. "They were Morgana's men. They were wearing her sigil."

"Do you think she knows we're coming?" Gwen asked as they galloped through the forest.

"I don't know."

"You managed to use your magic to defeat them on your own," Arthur said quietly, the immensity and power of Merlin's magic finally hitting him. He knew, of course, at the back of his mind that Merlin had power but he was such a skinny thing, such a lover of peace that he never really thought of all Merlin could do. All these year, he'd thought himself as Merlin's protector. Obviously Merlin didn't need his protection.

"If only I knew exactly how I did it. That might be useful."

"Great. So this was just luck?"

"Hey, at least I got us out of that pickle," snapped Merlin but Arthur could hear the good humour in his voice. It brought a smile to Arthur's lips.

"That's the problem with you Merlin. Always so inconsistent."

Merlin just shook his head. "Either we were unlucky or Morgana knows we're coming."

"I think we better assume it is the latter," said Arthur. "We should ride to the border first, get some rest and work on a plan. With some luck, Morgana won't realise her men were unsuccessful until later." He turned to Gwen. "Have you visited the villages near the border?"

"Yes. I've been to them several times."

"Good," said Arthur. "Then maybe they will be loyal enough to you to help us."

"I hope so. Or at least, they hate Morgana enough to help us because as much as I hate to admit it, we are Camelot's only hope." Her voice trembled but she sat straight on her horse, her chin tilted defiantly.

"Alright then. Let's go."

They rode hard through the forest, stopping only as much as the horses needed. It was like the attack lit a fire under them, made them realise how real everything was. Before, at least to him, it was still little more than an adventure, one of the fun quests he and Merlin went on, where they accomplished their goals and headed home with a little more gold in their purse. This time, it wasn't the gold in their purse that was at stake. It was Gwen's kingdom and Merlin's destiny, two people he cared for greatly.

This time, failure wasn't an option.


End file.
